Living with Mysophobia.
There's this constant fear in my mind, it pulls me away from human contact, it traps me... suffocates me. I clean but it's never enough. Am I dirty or are they dirty? Questions overwhelm my mind, yet the invisible particles overwhelm my everything. When in a crowd it's as if the air is no longer fit for any human to breathe...I pull my shirt over my face as my hot protective gloves feel sweaty due to my nerves. An airplane ride is my worst enemy, I carry handsanitizer in 4 different places, I wear gloves and carry spares in my pocket, no skin is showing so that I might avoid contact. Security chooses me randomly our of 100s of people to do a hand swab. I am a mess and the man who swabs my hands knows it, he tries to calm me with kind words but I feel the germs spreading all across my body. I go to the bathroom and wash my hands for about 7-10 minutes. Little did I know them that I would be trapped in that airport for 8 hours. I was forced to eat airport food, probably handled by disgusting hands. I also had to use the airport bathroom- but I managed to open the door with my foot, lock it with my elbow and hover over that toilet as if my life depended on it.
We get onto our plane around 23:30. I do not care that people stare at me. I place a garbage bag over my seat, place on a mask to breath through and wipe down the seat, tray table, and armrests. I place the contaminated wetwipe in a plastic bag and change my gloves along with use handsanitizer. When we land I clap. I get off the plane after disposing of everything and greet my family with big hugs (because every now and then hugs are really fantastic)
There's this constant fear in my mind, it pulls me away from human contact, it traps me... suffocates me. I clean but it's never enough. Am I dirty or are they dirty? Questions overwhelm my mind, yet the invisible particles overwhelm my everything. When in a crowd it's as if the air is no longer fit for any human to breathe...I pull my shirt over my face as my hot protective gloves feel sweaty due to my nerves. An airplane ride is my worst enemy, I carry handsanitizer in 4 different places, I wear gloves and carry spares in my pocket, no skin is showing so that I might avoid contact. Security chooses me randomly our of 100s of people to do a hand swab. I am a mess and the man who swabs my hands knows it, he tries to calm me with kind words but I feel the germs spreading all across my body. I go to the bathroom and wash my hands for about 7-10 minutes. Little did I know them that I would be trapped in that airport for 8 hours. I was forced to eat airport food, probably handled by disgusting hands. I also had to use the airport bathroom- but I managed to open the door with my foot, lock it with my elbow and hover over that toilet as if my life depended on it.
We get onto our plane around 23:30. I do not care that people stare at me. I place a garbage bag over my seat, place on a mask to breath through and wipe down the seat, tray table, and armrests. I place the contaminated wetwipe in a plastic bag and change my gloves along with use handsanitizer. When we land I clap. I get off the plane after disposing of everything and greet my family with big hugs (because every now and then hugs are really fantastic)
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