Anger.

  I am writing this one for me, to help me better understand myself.   Before the aneurysm I could get angry at something and usually go on about my business.  Since the aneurysm I have noticed that I am at my limited best when concentrating on only one thing at a time.  Today I got angry and when I no longer had to deal with it I figured that I would go on about my business.  This proved harder than I thought it would.  Now I am not talking annoyed or peeved but downright angry.  The usual annoyed presents no more problems then it did in the past.  But I never knew how deep anger could take me.  I got angry at what I felt was unfair and made a decision.  It was not the time nor the place to make my feelings known.  Too many circumstances, the situation was far from cut and dry, so I bit back my usual rather blunt self and just decided to wait and see what happens.  Since the annie burst I make a point of confronted each situation head on, I rarely adopt a "lets see what happens" viewpoint.  I thought I had made a decision and shelfed this issue until a later date.  Today was a weather wise, beautiful, high in the mid-seventies,  sunny day.  Sometime in the early afternnon I started having a sense of forboding?  I wondered what I had forgotton to do because that sense usually means I have fogotten to attend to something I should of.  I started feeling more tired than usual.  My appetite was poor, my attention span was shot, so much so that i thought I would journal just to think this out.  After some time deep in thought I realized that I was still very angry at the situation that I had encoutered earlier as that is what my mind would be thinking of whenever it could.  It interupted things that I was trying to do, cook, follow simple instructions etc...  Now this might seem strange to most people but you have to remember that I live alone so there is no confrontation at home waiting for me.  My home is as I like it, my supper was what I wanted it to be and I am normally in a rather good mood.  I wasn't getting ill, nor was there anything I had forgotten to do.  I have been being blunt for so long that I had forgotten what unresolved anger feels like!  I can remember that at one time I had decided to be blunt, why I am not so sure about but it must of been for this very reason.  So, note to self.  Continue being blunt even if it means an occasional error as unresolved anger is sickening!!!