I spent most of my childhood trying to win the affection of this woman.  Instead I was always seen as the bad child or bad seed if you will, nothing I did could get her to change her opinion of me.  It was only years later with some other relative that I found out that she had been raped at age seventeen and I guess because of that had a deap seated hatred of all males.  She still does to this very day.  I withdrew more into myself.  I remember deciding that life was not worth living, I guess I was ten or so.  Now no laughing, remember I was only ten way way back then.  I wrote out my will giving all my valueables to whomever and destroyed any pictures of myself that I could find.  I must of burned a hundred or more.  Now picture this.  I am sitting on my bed getting ready to end my life with my BB gun, hey I was ten!  And my mother walks in.  She sees the smoke rising from the trash can, reads my suicide note and says "next time do not burn any pictures with your sisters in them!  Then goes out and closes the door???  I thought I was so lucky not to get beaten!  The scope of the injury done me was vast.  I decided that humans were not to be trusted at all.  I got very close to animals and remain so to this day.  Animals can be sneaky, they stink at it but they can, but they are way easier to understand than humans.