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I know I was the TOTAL INSTIGATOR in my family, running around, trying to get the biggest buzz, trying to make sure to pour some wine down my sister's and sisterinlaw's throats, make sure everyone was ON BOARD THE BUZZ TRAIN, and then it was me standing on a picnic table shouting, HEY, LET'S TAKE THE BOAT ACROSS THE LAKE, IT's PIRATE DAY! ARRRRRR!!!!! Laughing too loud, talking too loud, not really listening to what my cousins or my aunties said when I asked them how they been...... Or it was me throwing up over the side of the boat, ha ha ain't I a stinker...ain't I funny...
Because now, when we get together at my parent's cottage-on-the-lake, there's barely ANYTHING going on with the alcohol, my brother and brotherinlaw drink a few beers while fishing maybe...my husband might drink one beer, but never in front of me... I saw Dad drink A BEER, one, with his hamburger... Sister n sisinlaw, they don't drink much, if anything, we hang around laughing and talking and playing with our kids and dogs, and talking to our aunties, (and this time I'm really listening)..
Yesterday, I was so very...PRESENT. I was all there. Dad and I jumped up and had an impromptu biking adventure together! Just me and Dad! It was awesome! I sat with my mom on the porch swing, and in the chaos of a Memorial Day picnic, with 900 kids and cousins and dogs and babies running about, mom and I sat and talked about Recovery, and what it means and where I'm going with it... All that time and energy I used to spend running around screaming for attention... oh my gosh, MY PARENTS' ATTENTION... (duh.. this is an AHA moment) and all I had to do was stop! Just stop! And there they are, my parents...
My husband will tell me, hey, you know, alcohol wasn't ALL BAD... we had some GOOD times too... sigh... yeah, we had some good times mixed in there, some really funny goofy good times... But what I'm finding is this: when I get together with my brother and my sister, and we get out on the road, either yardsailing, or fishing or boating, whatever, but we're out there... we are still having the laughs, and sometimes it's gut-busting and so friggin' fun... It was never the alcohol... it was the people. People I can trust to be myself with.
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