This is a PM I wrote to one of my DS friends Frostie. It's so long, it qualifies as a journal entry: "I struggled too, so very much like you have, for the past 2 or 3 years, knowing I had an escalating problem, and not really wanting to face it... What really REALLY knocked me off my feet though, was when my kids started getting to be "drinking age", and I was having to give THEM lectures about drinking and driving and stuff, and I was so dad-blasted HYPOCRITICAL... oh- help-me, the self-loathing... It was the same with my eating disorder, when my daughters started to hate their own very beautiful, healthy bodies, it really knocked me for a loop, as to what kind of an example I was providing for them... The true gift of sobriety, and also recovery from bulimia, has been in my children, in the tremendous gift of TIME with them, time when I am truly PRESENT, I am ALL THERE, all of me... My parenting has improved immeasurably, it's OFF THE SCALE even!!! Do you find that too, in recovery, how much more THERE you are, just in the moment, with those special people? I feel like all of my senses are firing, just taking in every detail I can of my kids, making memories, making up for lost time, retracing my steps and doing so much better at it this time... You're going to AA now!! Fantastic! I am so SO SOOOOO close to going to AA, just as soon as I can get up the courage... I've known for the past couple months that I needed to go... That I need more support... I am doing this "alone" to some extent, but I do see a family counselor, and I come here to DS a lot.... But I know I also need to get myself to some meetings. Thanks for telling me about your good experience there so far, that's what I need to hear! Okay, but here's what I wanted to say, specifically to you... At 7 days of sobriety, here's what I remember feeling: I felt at 7 days, this incredible sense of... wonder... like I was "on to something" that had never occured to me before... that I could actually DO things without alcohol... I've come back here to DS to celebrate most of those things, my first sober wedding, my first sober family function, my first sober FRIGGIN' PTA MEETING... sigh... But it's helped me, tremendously, to mark down and really LOOK AT each of these firsts, it helps me to see it in writing, that everything, EVERYTHING is so much more... colorful?... without alcohol. And like you said, to not have those next-day regrets about the stupid stuff you said the night before, or the stupid way you acted, or the people and the details you missed out on... "