New inventions to be patended by ME: 1) A Library Hood Cover for using internet IN PRIVATE, without every tom dick or harry being able to see what you're typing on your SCREEEEEEENNNN!!!!!! GOD! It's hard to type up a very personal-type journal update, with all the regular library DOOFUSES milling about behind me!!! (I realize that I am also technically a Regular Library Doofus. That , however true, does not temper my frustration.) Also, I realize certain miscreants would abuse my Patended Library Privacy Hood for their seedy, porno purposes... Dammit. 2) A WALL-MOUNTED- CHAINED-TO-THE-WALL PAIR OF SCISSORS- Scissors on lock-down. GOD! I buy 6 or 7 pairs of scissors at the dollar store, TWICE A YEAR, which means 12-14 pair of scissors PER YEAR, why, God, can I never damn find a pair of SCISSORRRRRRRSSSSS!!!! Also, scotch tape, mounted to the wall, remove at your own risk, under threat of dismemberment. Sigh. I'm frustrated. I need my daughter to launch. Fly, little bird, FLY!!! It's so hideous, so impossible, so terribile living under this roof, get the hell out. GO!!! Go already!!! You're 20 years old, it's TIME!!! I don't want to look at that sour face one more day. I'm sick of the way she treats me while I'm running her ass all over the county, making sure she gets to work and school, making sure she's got her meds, making sure he FAFSA's filed and her housing papers, making sure she has the foods she needs, and making her damn peanut-butter-banana-honey sandwiches in the morning because she can't haul her ass out of bed in time to think about she's gonna be HUNGRY LATER. !!.... !!!......I have 3 other children to take care of, plus the horses, the dog, the cats, the frogs, and now the damn TADPOLES, JEEESUS!! Here's me, every morning, I have to fish the tadpoles out of their dirty mason-jar of water (with a spoon), plunk them into their clean mason-jar of water, and then grind up their fish-flakes breakfast with a MORTAR AND DAGGONE PESTLE!!! I don't have ENOUGH to do, right? HARRR!!! (I'm kidding, I love those nasty little tadpoles) I love my daughter too, but damned if she's not making it the biggest challenge of my life. Quit drinking? Sure, piece of cake. Conquer 3 decades of bulimia? IN MY SLEEP. Deal with this SUCKING-BLACK-HOLE-OF-A-DAUGHTER? It's killing me. I keep saying, I want her out. Just please go. I don't say that to her. I say that to my husband. I say it to my best friend. I say it to my mother. These are the people it's safe to say it to. Because it's not what a mother should say, is it? The mother should be the last one to give up on a person, right? I hope I'm not giving up. I hope I'm thinking it's in HER best interest too, to get out and get a little apartment for the next 5 or 6 months, until she goes away to school. (she's finishing up 2 years of community college, then transferring to a small college an hour away) She's changed so drastically. She's unrecognizable. She's making everyone in the house miserable, including herself. My mother got a REAL GOOD look into it last weekend, when my daughter treated her own grandmother like a dogturd on the bottom of her shoe. My BFF has seen it too. It's not my imagination. It's not my situation, it's not my recovery. My daughter is changed. She's a CHANGELING. Oh shit, here she comes, gotta go.
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