I've been reflecting a little on things that have happened recently and a part of 'give me novacaine' has stuck with me, just a few lines but still. Anyway I'm feeling rather stupid because of everything that's happened in the past few weeks. I read through the email that I got just before last term, and I looked at what was said about it and I choked up a little. It makes me feel really sad actually. I put myself out there, I thought this time would be different, I stuck my neck out, and guess what, taking the risk just screwed me right over. I feel stupid for being sucked in, for those few insincere words at a weak moment, for letting myself think that maybe there was a future for this. I don't think I've ever actually done something this stupid before. It's just left me with a sour taste in my mouth, some more horrible memories and a few intimacy issues. Please don't listen to this, this is a weak moment because I'm tired and emotional and just how much this ordeal has hurt me has hit me. I've got it straight in my head now, this is a cycle and I'm not going let myself be part of it. No more chances, not when every single one leaves me feeling crap and hurt, even if the world were to end tomorrow I'm not going to let myself get sucked in by a few words that I really really really wish were true, even though they weren't. I haven't felt this unsteady in a long time. Give it about half an hour and I'll be ok though.