I'm feeling 'spent' lately. The times in my life when I feel this way are the worst of the worst. The times when I feel so frustrated that I can't even imagine that if things improve, that it'll make any sort of a difference. I 've had it all,...done it all,... and have loved certain moments I've had, ...but ineviably it all comes crashing down, or the best scenario being, that I lose the strength to enjoy it. The pills help out to a certain extent but they seem to be taking their toll on me. Enough is enough. And when you haven't the support of the ones you love. and those that have cared lose patience and take a leave of absence, it becomes that much worse. IT'S NOT THAT I WANT TO BE THIS WAY. 'They' just don't get it,....Would I , If I was in their shoes and wasn't afflicted by this 'crazy' ailment? Probably not. They have their lifes to lead after all. Their problems to deal with. Their fears and anxieties............. I've shut down big time lately. Just would prefer not having anyone in my life at all. Less chance of getting hurt right? Wrong? Who really knows. If their is a brighter future ahead of me I strongly doubt I'll enjoy it anyway. Too much ANXIETY. it is simply never ending! I'm SPENT. Bottom line. I've much to be grateful for but this affliction has beat me up for way to long. Optimism has always been one of my strengths. The ability to be a good friend has too. Not anymore though. I feel like crap and have lost faith in the love of others. WHAT A TERRIBLE WAY TO LIVE! Don't get me wrong though. I'm not referrring to my friends on DS. You've been truly a life line for me. One that may be fraying but for no reason of your own... I wish you the ability to live lovingly, with good health, prosperity... and ENTHUSIASM to make it easier along the way. I encourage you to look at life optimistically for as long as you can. And for those of you with ~Peace of Mind~, hold on to it real tight. REAL tight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With warmth I send this to you, albeit it on the the frosty side,...as your friendship means a lot to me...........Keep on Keeping on ~R.
Replies
Sometimes we all feel like you do and sometimes it feels like it will never end and maybe it will not but we must try and make it end. we decide wether to let it beat us or not and we can win this anxiety if we try and I know its hard but do not give up and yes people are hard to get along with and sometimes we feel we have no friends but we were all born alone anyway so pick up and go on.. Life is to short to worry about being sick we must all try and get better because we are our own Doctors in life, we must do for ourselves, so get up get and turn on that music you love and have a great time. listen to it with all your heart and soul and lift yourself up and keep going, I have no one either just myself to help myself and I must go on and sometimes I feel as you do but I turn my music on and keep going it makes me feel happy, Do someting that makes you feel better go sit outside while listenng to your music and have a cup of coffee or what ever you like to drink but please do something for yourself that makes you happy. anxiety can only control you if you give into it do not give into it, ignore it and Pray. I really care about you, You are my friend so please write me when your feeling down maybe we can share jokes or stories maybe we can make each other laugh. Take care my friend and God Bless you
Cathy
My dearest friend and bro,
I am more than sorry to hear how you are feeling, I guess we still have a lot of common.... I have been through Hell and back... but that\'s the beauty of being alive... each day is a new start.... Still true... It has never failed.... I do understand, who better than me that share this condition and that knows about having it all, and then BOOM!!! feel like NOTHING, no worst than NOTHING... I do not believe that tehre is an adjective that describe how we feel when we get depress, is worst than NOTHING right? All I can tell you is that I keep you in my prayers as well, and I want so bad to go to Canada and give you all my love.... I told my pdoc that I wanted to be a happy-depressed and he laughed, I told my tdoc and he said is possible, what do you think? Am I asking for too much again?
I can tell you that I will start school hopefully towards the end of the month.....
As of right now, I am leaving one day at the time.... I know it\'s easy to say, but it has been hard to do it.... I had another episode and I am just recuperating from it....
But I know that I can do it...
The relationship with Martin is been improving, but I left him and we will start counseling next week.... (again)
I hope this hug finds you better and know that I DO CARE!
Love you as always,
Claudia