I'm feeling 'spent' lately. The times in my life when I feel this way are the worst of the worst. The times when I feel so frustrated that I can't even imagine that if things improve, that it'll make any sort of a difference. I 've had it all,...done it all,... and have loved certain moments I've had, ...but ineviably it all comes crashing down, or the best scenario being, that I lose the strength to enjoy it. The pills help out to a certain extent but they seem to be taking their toll on me. Enough is enough. And when you haven't the support of the ones you love. and those that have cared lose patience and take a leave of absence, it becomes that much worse. IT'S NOT THAT I WANT TO BE THIS WAY. 'They' just don't get it,....Would I , If I was in their shoes and wasn't afflicted by this 'crazy' ailment? Probably not. They have their lifes to lead after all. Their problems to deal with. Their fears and anxieties............. I've shut down big time lately. Just would prefer not having anyone in my life at all. Less chance of getting hurt right? Wrong? Who really knows. If their is a brighter future ahead of me I strongly doubt I'll enjoy it anyway. Too much ANXIETY. it is simply never ending! I'm SPENT. Bottom line. I've much to be grateful for but this affliction has beat me up for way to long. Optimism has always been one of my strengths. The ability to be a good friend has too. Not anymore though. I feel like crap and have lost faith in the love of others. WHAT A TERRIBLE WAY TO LIVE! Don't get me wrong though. I'm not referrring to my friends on DS. You've been truly a life line for me. One that may be fraying but for no reason of your own... I wish you the ability to live lovingly, with good health, prosperity... and ENTHUSIASM to make it easier along the way. I encourage you to look at life optimistically for as long as you can. And for those of you with ~Peace of Mind~, hold on to it real tight. REAL tight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With warmth I send this to you, albeit it on the the frosty side,...as your friendship means a lot to me...........Keep on Keeping on ~R.
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