I can't stop 'ruminating'. In searching the word's definition, I discovered how accuratly it defines my thought patterns,...my brain's constant desire to go over and over the same things to the point of disruption. I'm wanting for it to shut up, but unable to find the switch. I drink to calm it, but am now concerned that the effect of over drinking will add fuel to my inner fire, disrupting my damaged psyche even further. More Ruminating. A vicious cycle of crap........As I can't relax, I`ve been researching philosphies and medical theories all night, hoping to discover answers that will release my frustrations. I've decided to describe my feelings in the form of a poem. Perhaps some of you out there can relate. This all stems back to yesterday's journal entry. Share your thoughts with me. I ask that of you from the heart as I'm truly struggling at the moment. Totally lost and in need of support..... Lost within my self ,A lock with out a keysearching for the map I've lost,My soul waiting on 'me' Not found in my my memoirs,The recollection gone away,It's taking too long I fear,My last nerve starting to fray I want help to discoverThe bond that I need,To bring the two togetherTo plant the hidden seed I want to feel peace againReaquaint the missing links,To unlock the mystery,To be clear on how I think Will it come to comfort me,And stifle insanity's twitch?To rid my familiar reality,My life's codependant glitch... I'll unlock the truth,The map's bound to be nearI'll reunite the forces,But,Will it put to rest... My persevering fears?
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I am sending you ....warm and loving thoughts and a ray of light to surround you....
My dearest friend, your first stanza depict how I felt this past months. I have noticed a pattern and I mentioned to my pdoc that I usually go downs on summer, but none of my pdoc would add any antidepressent. Finally about a week, he did, and little by little I am coming back. I feel J O Y (a new feeling at this point) I find myself making plans for the near future (this evening). Now, is it the medication alone? or finally summer is gone? since I have a bit of motivation, I can do things outdoor, I am sleeping better without pills, or setting all the BS on the side, and being honest, is this my time to be up? like I said on my last journal, \"I do not have the answer, all I can do is to share my experience, so maybe one day others can decipher the geist of the chemical imbalance and we can talk about prevention and not treatment\". My heart, my thoughts, and my love to you. I hope that whatever has to happened in your case happen and happen soon.
Love you my Big brother!
Hey bro, Sorry to hear that you are struggling. All I can say is that if god intended us all to really understand all of it then we all would be cured of all illnesses and sicknesses, but that is just not so in today\'s world. All you can do is except yourself for who you are and hope that the good lord is there to guide you through it all safely and peacefully. I read something online the other day and it said when all else fails read the directions and it had a picture of the bible. I got to thinking that it is so true. Sometimes the directions are right in front of us and we are just blinded to see it. Sometimes we are not meant to see it at all, but when we do see it we must build on it and not hide behind it with alcohol or drugs and face the truth. I know from my past you can hide from the truth or your inner problem cause No matter where you go there you are bro. Hang in there and if you need anything let me know bro. I\'ll pray for you my friend.
Hey, friend I really can relate too your poem. Over the past few months I have looked and searched for many reasons why. I really looked deep with in myself and I can say I had no answer\'s too give you or myself. All I can say is to do your best to keep in touch with your friends, support groups and anything that might help you in your journey. I can say that journey will not end fast and I will never say it is ever easy, but as your friend I will be there for you if you ever need me. Hang in there and god bless friend and thank you for all your good support you have given me through all my pains and losses. You are a good friend and don\'t let anyone ever say any different.