sigh

So im in need a friend..pretty badly today. Unfortuantly i turned to my ex-wife. Because she was around. I cant do this to myself anymore...I cant keep pretending everything is fine between us. She act's as if were friends...and that we've been friends for years.  We'll no.  You were the one who i fell in love you, and me for you.You were the one i decided i was going to share my life with, and me for you.. 7 Years is gone, and honestly, i've gained nothing. I've been searching for a positive to my marriage and relationship and i cannot find any. Which makes me extremly sad to know i wasted such vital youthfull years on her. And now that im "free"...I still want her...Not sexually...just emotionally...Its gone. All of the emotion is gone for her, she has NOTHING left for me...this also makes me sad because its only been 4 fucking months. We went to take the dog for a walk down by the beach.....20 mins go by and she says she's cold. so we headed back....she bullshited me. She was expecting a male friend. I decided to go have a smoke with a buddy..and see this guy walk into my building...seen him around a few times. It's getting to that point now...sigh.. I'm not sure how to make this day end, its torture...fuck. Very tempted to just sleep..and sleep...I need to dig myself out of this fucking hell that i live in..Im just so lost and how =(. Oh we'll i guess it will come to me eventually...untill then i guess i'll live in pain.