Eh...

Not doing very well today. So i`ve been looking forward to having my friend (the girl im always talking about) up to my trailer, we`ll this weekend was the week.  Friday night was fun, we all drank...had a good time.. Woke up sat and made the mistake of checking my fucking phone. Msg from the Ex starting her bullshit, TOTALLY put me into a downward spiral all day long. Started doing some work and it was almost as this friend of mine was almost....not talking to me..just to my buddy. Guess i was getting jealous slowly all day but regardless when i started up the fire, i started drinking and hit the bottle a little hard. Just the thoughts of my ex swimming around in my head all day, and all night..not good thoughts. All the bad times, all the bullshit...and i sorta just...shut everyone out all night...sat there...drank and smoked...and said fuck all. What a great way to treat a guest huh. Esspecially one that means THIS much to me. Very sad to say that i realized this weekend she has no romantic intereste in me. Makes me sad but if i were to find a girl half as amazing as she is, i would be very lucky. She`s still my friend, and i would like to keep her as a friend but it`s like the more i talk to her or see her, or hang out...the more i WANT her to be more then a friend..hold her, kiss her....protect her...treat her like a princess...but i doubt that`s going anywere now. Ah we`ll, I`ve learned my ex still has way to much power over me for me to start dating anyway. Fuck.