Sometimes, I don't think I do it right. First, to make it clear, I have ADD, and I have it pretty darn bad, especially noticable when I haven't been sleeping much. Also to note, I have to rely on me, myself, and I to keep things together. I sometimes ask my daughter for help, as she's the oldest, but there's no one else I can depend on to keep me on track. Third, I consider myself to be compensating rather well for having ADD, and ok for being a single mom. Finally, I'm tired of having to be the sprinter dragging a cart full of everything down the track of a marathon.
I'm so tired of the power struggles my daughter and older son give me. They're the ones who hang onto emotional extremes. Yesterday, After having a free afternoon off of work and hearing the boys giggle happily over animal and stick figure yootube videos for a few hours, I took the mouse away so they could get thier homework done. Chris, no prob. Ryan, takes the keyboard and hides it so that no one else could play the computer either.
Katrina went straight to the phone when we got home, brought it to the garage, and closed the door. I had Ryan in my room with me, where I could watch him and prevent him from destroying things in frusteration or taking over the computer again. He never did do his homework. At about 7:30, I yelled out my door, asking Kat to check on dinner, which was in the oven. (But I can't, the phone cord's not long enough!) A few minutes later, you could hear a cat fight taking place outside (Our cat is the neighborhood wimp, always getting beat up by the bully). ("But I can't put the phone down, MOM.") eventually, I have to leave the room to pull dinner out of the oven (burned) and stared at the phone cord running from the wall to the garage door. I think of the fight I'm going to have to go through to get her off, and suddenly I'm very tired. I don't know who she's talking to, but from past experience, I know she's only going to say good bye when I'm reaching to disconnect everything. So I skipped straight to that part. She still yelled and screamed at me, but I felt I'd reached my objective much sooner, and wasn't as stressed out by it as I could have been. Maybe I should have given her a warning, still.
This morning, I got up and woke Ryan at 6:30 for his shower. He can't live without one, which is ok. He gets out 12 minutes later, I hand him a towel and tell him to get dressed before waking Chris. Ten minutes later, Ryan comes out to the couch without a stitch of clothing on, complaining because he only found the white uniform shirts in his drawers. I rush back in, grab the blue one and a pair of underwear, tell chris its ten minutes to 7, and throw the clothes at ryan to put on. eight minutes after that, I remind Ryan that he has to get dressed immediately, as I was not going to drive him to school. I think that ruined his day. It took him another fifteen minutes to get his pants on, Christopher beating him out the door and with his bike. I told Ryan if he wasn't out the door by 7:30, I would spank his butt. I think he was holding out, trying to see if he'd get a ride if he was really, really late. But I didn't, and I did give his butt a spank at the assigned time. He finally put his socks and shoes on, shuffled out the door, crying about what a mean b**** I was, and I felt bad for him.
I'm hoping I did the right thing.
I'm so tired of the power struggles my daughter and older son give me. They're the ones who hang onto emotional extremes. Yesterday, After having a free afternoon off of work and hearing the boys giggle happily over animal and stick figure yootube videos for a few hours, I took the mouse away so they could get thier homework done. Chris, no prob. Ryan, takes the keyboard and hides it so that no one else could play the computer either.
Katrina went straight to the phone when we got home, brought it to the garage, and closed the door. I had Ryan in my room with me, where I could watch him and prevent him from destroying things in frusteration or taking over the computer again. He never did do his homework. At about 7:30, I yelled out my door, asking Kat to check on dinner, which was in the oven. (But I can't, the phone cord's not long enough!) A few minutes later, you could hear a cat fight taking place outside (Our cat is the neighborhood wimp, always getting beat up by the bully). ("But I can't put the phone down, MOM.") eventually, I have to leave the room to pull dinner out of the oven (burned) and stared at the phone cord running from the wall to the garage door. I think of the fight I'm going to have to go through to get her off, and suddenly I'm very tired. I don't know who she's talking to, but from past experience, I know she's only going to say good bye when I'm reaching to disconnect everything. So I skipped straight to that part. She still yelled and screamed at me, but I felt I'd reached my objective much sooner, and wasn't as stressed out by it as I could have been. Maybe I should have given her a warning, still.
This morning, I got up and woke Ryan at 6:30 for his shower. He can't live without one, which is ok. He gets out 12 minutes later, I hand him a towel and tell him to get dressed before waking Chris. Ten minutes later, Ryan comes out to the couch without a stitch of clothing on, complaining because he only found the white uniform shirts in his drawers. I rush back in, grab the blue one and a pair of underwear, tell chris its ten minutes to 7, and throw the clothes at ryan to put on. eight minutes after that, I remind Ryan that he has to get dressed immediately, as I was not going to drive him to school. I think that ruined his day. It took him another fifteen minutes to get his pants on, Christopher beating him out the door and with his bike. I told Ryan if he wasn't out the door by 7:30, I would spank his butt. I think he was holding out, trying to see if he'd get a ride if he was really, really late. But I didn't, and I did give his butt a spank at the assigned time. He finally put his socks and shoes on, shuffled out the door, crying about what a mean b**** I was, and I felt bad for him.
I'm hoping I did the right thing.
Replies
Oh honey, the ONLY thing you aren\'t doing right is second-guessing yourself! I soooo hear you on everything you are saying. Having the ADD yourself, yet being so responsible for so much. Having kids who don\'t get themselves ready even though they should be perfectly capable of it. I have to say, I really ADMIRE that you held your ground with your son Ryan. And I\'m not quite sure why you even felt bad for him? He gave you a hard time and needed a little discipline. You were being a GOOD Mom by doing what you did!! Allowing our kids to take advantage of us by manipulating us into giving them rides and finding all their clothes for them (why don\'t we wipe their butts while we\'re at it? lol) would do a lot more harm to them in the long run, and be more debilitating to them as adults. Think of what they would expect from their future wives! You are doing those women a tremendous favor right now! ;)
And ahhh, the daughter. Ohhhh do I understand that one! My daughter and I go head to head all the time! There is something about the oldest-daughter/mother relationship that has a power struggle that\'s all its own, even when there is no ADD involved. I\'ve seen it and heard about it a lot. I would probably have done the same thing you did, avoiding the inevitable fight and just cut to the chase by unplugging the phone. After all, you DID ask her for her help, didn\'t you? That SHOULD be all it takes. Our children don\'t realize how selfish they are when they refuse to help us, especially us single moms. We are sooooo weary!
I wish I could hug you right now. I felt like you took a page out of my own life today and wrote about it here in your journal. I feel your exhaustion and exasperation and worry and self-doubt. You are not alone.