Struggling

I pray this letter finds you and your loved ones doing well. I am seriously struggling with all of these issues I wrote about on Wednesday. It seems to be easiest to look at this situation in three separate but interrelated areas. First, there is the mental/psychological issue of getting an evaluation to discover why I have become so unstable and what can I do to get better. I must get help for this apparent nervous breakdown that I had, and still feel I am overwhelmed by. I started showing most of the symptoms approximately starting on June 6th (the 3rd year anniversary date of losing my kids and forever changing my life.) I’m finding this out as I discuss the situation with my boyfriend, and read the medical reports. I am having reoccurring panic attacks and night terrors from this. Please pray that God restore my sanity and protect my mind.Second, there are the health problems stemming from the motor vehicle accident June 7th when my brakes went out and the van was totaled. This happened when I tried to turn into a driveway to get the van to stop moving, but I didn't realize the van was going too fast to make the turn, and I ended up hitting a metal pole fence. In a smaller vehicle I would have been decapitated. The biggest health problem is my broken right arm (my dominant writing hand). I needed follow up medical care after that initial visit to the hospital, but since I was arrested and put in jail, they would not take me to get further medical treatment. However it appears the jail had a court order to get a blood test on me, from one of the felony charges alleged against me. For this, I was taken to a hospital close to the jail while I was incarcerated. They did the blood test, but the jail would not address my broken bones and many contusions from the accident.Third, there are very serious legal charges, (Four felonies and a misdemeanor alleged against me) and I am trying to address all of these. This is such a difficult thing to balance.The first issue has been trying to get into the Red Rock crisis center to have a mental health evaluation. I was going into Red Rock on Thursday after using Wednesday to get my medical records from (the hospital) and saw my wrecked van, got pics, etc. But all of their female beds filled up and I have been waiting for one to open up. Then I have to find a ride to be able to get there while it is open. I don't know what happened the weekend of June 6th, because I can't remember. This is the second time this year I have "missing time," where I was treated in the hospital and the drug interactions seem to have caused me, or worsened my ability to lose my awareness of what is going on. Only this time, it appears my strange and unusual behavior started before the car accident and subsequent visit to the hospital. I didn't realize when the imbalance started until I just read the June 7th medical records. The report states that I was having "abnormal/psychotic behavior" there, and then they gave me lots of morphine and discharged me alone to the streets. This seems irresponsible on their part. Regarding the health/medical subject, I just got back from the hospital in the city. It is a 2 hour drive each way for me. After the long drive it took almost 12 hours of waiting, but finally I had broken arm put in a temp cast. Now I'm waiting on the doctor to call this upcoming week to let me know if and when I need surgery. The top of the bones are broken in the wrist joint and they may need to surgically pin them in place or put a metal plate in to hold it together. Please pray for healing and wisdom for the doctors to make the best choice to proceed, and for me to have the physical and emotional strength to go through it. I have hardly slept at all since bonding out of jail Monday night/Tues. morning. I am only out of jail right now because I was blessed with an unexpected check from workman's comp, which is all the money I had, and now I am completely broke. I see that if you have finances, you can deal with the legal system on a whole different and more level playing field. If you have a mental/emotional problem, the courts don’t really seem to care, but if you have enough money to get an attorney to fight for you, you have a chance. It's not a fair place to be. I need some prayers for financing an attorney, and I need a miracle soon. I would feel so much better if I knew someone was working on it. Maybe then I could sleep. Dear Friends if you think there is any way you could help me with this in at all please contact me or Billy ASAP, I will work out a way to pay you back if you have anything you could help me with to get an attorney on this ASAP. It seems sad to me that trying to get justice and fair legal representation comes down to how much money you do or don't have. It's just not right! For me to get the help I need psychologically means I might not be able to support myself for a little while, I am really in a bind to do what is necessary. I don' have insurance which makes everything that much harder and no friends or family near. I have to heal physically (from broken arm, car accident, getting hurt more while in police custody) and emotionally (from this apparent nervous breakdown), while trying to take care of the legal issues.The most impossible looking issue is coming up with a retainer in the next week to get a lawyer for the 4 felonies and misdemeanor that I am charged with when I got out of ER on June 7. I can't remember much of anything for 2-3 days during that time. It is very serious and the consequences of these charges could add up to 25 years in prison and thousands of dollars in fees. The stress and fear of this aren't helping me in any way.I've worked so hard this past year to work two jobs and do community service to meet the requirements of probation, and I don't want it to have been for nothing. I've been off work since Feb. when I was injured on the job, and I was trying to heal from that when all of this happened. I was already traumatized from 1) losing my kids when I went for help from the domestic abuse in my marriage 3 years ago. 2) becoming homeless and living in my van, 3) meeting the man I dated and was engaged to for over 2 years, taking care of him while he was unemployed most of that time, and then moving to OK so he could work in the old field again, only to have him lose his job, lose our home I had set up here for the kids and then turn to drugs and start abusing me physically and sexually. He had me arrested for trespassing in my own home and he took off with everything I had built up, gave all my belongings to another woman and left me here to rot. I pled guilty just to get and move on with my life. 4) I met someone in November who really wanted to help me out, and then he was suddenly and unexpectedly killed in an automobile accident. 5) I had this workman's comp injury and I've been struggling financially to make it at all. Now I've had this accident, totaled my vehicle, lost my mind and allegedly gotten all these charges filed against me. Is there any wonder about my stress levels?All I ever wanted to do was be a good person, a great mom, contribute in positive & meaningful ways to make a difference in the world, and now I'm facing losing my very freedom for a long time. It is imperative that I find a conscientious attorney who actually cares and will work with me to stop the craziness. Between my mental health and my physical health I have no idea how to get all this done. I am really working at my trust and faith issues, this lack of sleep and pain I'm in are just compounding the problems. It's getting hard to keep my head up now, so I'm just going to ask you to lift it all up in prayer. All I know is to keep my eyes on the Lord, make the next best decision, is honest and up front. Pray for a miracle. Please pray that God will find a good & decent person to help me.May God bless you, Joy