Friends

I have to start this by saying I truly do love my friends. I spend a lot of time on the computer and I have made some amazing friends who have supported me through many, many things. When I had the PE they were all in shock, I had endless texts and some people sent me cards to the hospital wishing me well. 1 friend Sharon sobbed on the phone to me, she was so worried bless her and just the other day she sent me a card to say she was still thinking of me.  These friends are so precious, there's Jon who calls me his angel, he was so worried. Elsa and Fran sending me good wishes daily, Paul who was an absolute star and phoned me every night despite the patientline ripping him off at 40p a minute. I love them all so why do I feel so disconnected from them? I hear their words, I know they were in pain worrying about me but it's as if something is seperating us. I don't ever want any of them to be in a position to know how I feel, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I want to scream sometimes, to swear and rage at feeling so helpless but instead I try to stay positive for fear of appearing like a "whinger" I don't always feel like staying strong, I want to fall apart and mourn the days before I thought every twinge was possibly going to kill me, am I selfish?