Hello friends,I see I haven't written since November of last year.  Wow, I can't hardly believe it is now January of 2010.   I know what happened in November and December because I was doing Avon, and I suddenly got more recruits and lots of business, which is great, but it took all of my time.  I had tried to plan for this busy time, and let others know that I wasn't going to be as available, and I put it all away for two weeks to enjoy Christmas and New Year's with my family.  I planned to be back on track on January 3rd.   But as you all know, our plans are not Gods' plans.   My father died on New Year's Eve day.   We had spent Christmas day with my parents and it was so nice, and my dad even called me as we were going home on my daughter's cell phone just to tell me how great the present was, (It wasn't that great), and how nice the visit was.  That is strange for him to call on a cellphone like that, but he said I wanted you to know before you got home.  My dad was not one to say I love you, but I knew that's what he was trying to tell me.  He never did learn how to hug properly because he never hugged, but these last few years he would grab you and just squeeze.  I wouldn't complain because it was his attempt at a hug.  I am so eternally grateful to God that He gave my parents a long enough time to live so that we could resolve our issues and learn how to love each other unconditionally.  New Year's Eve is the anniversary of my husband and my first date.  We've been married for 22 years and these last couple years have been rough, so I was sitting on the couch that morning, thinking what I could do that would be special for New Year's Eve.  I was thinking I'd go to town and get some snacks for all of us, and maybe something special for hubby.The phone rang and I ignored it because I don't answer calls in the morning.  I have Fibromyalgia, and can't hardly function for a couple hours after I wake up, and my people know this, so I figured it was the credit card people bugging me.  Pretty soon my son came down with his cell phone and said "Mom, it's Tony."  Tony is my brother and I wasn't in the mood to even talk to him right then, but my son said "Mom, you have to take this."  So I got on the phone, and my brother asked me how I was.  I told him I was tired.  He was being careful because I have had three nervous breakdowns in the past and I found out later that he told everybody that he wanted to be the one who told me.    He kept asking me if I was sure I was ok, and I started figuring out that he had something bad to tell me.  He finally said, "Well, Dad died this morning."  I thought it was a joke.  I said "No he's not."  I could not fathom why my brother would make such a bad joke.  After arguing back and forth and my insisting that it was not true, I realized that Tony really thought Dad was dead.  "Are you sure?"  "Yes."  "How do you know for sure?"  "They called a coroner and he declared Dad dead."  Then I started to shake and I asked, "What do we do Tony?"  I could see him shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.  My big brother did not have the answer for me.  "I don't know."My mind started working again and I urgently said, "I have to go to Mom."  Tony asked, "Do you think so?"  "Yes, I have to go right now."  So I got off the phone and started pacing the floor.  My poor son already knew and he tried to get me to sit down.  I asked him if his sister knew yet.  He said no.  So I told him to tell her to get up while I got ready.  At this point you need to know my son is 22 and my daughter is 19.    He goes to the bottom of the stairs and yells as loud as he can, "Serena get up now; Grampa's dead!"  My daughter has told me that she never wanted to go to sleep again after being woke up that way. I hope you all excuse me as I am a writer and this is the only way I know how to say what happened to me on New Year's Eve morning.  It's a funny thing because it didn't happen to ME exactly, but that's how I see it.  I had a checkup from my surgery two days ago and I got a "normal" diagnosis, but I left crying because he left me in the waiting room for a half hour and I got to thinking about Dad.  I thought I held up pretty good mentally, taking care of everybody, but my body says otherwise.  Last Sunday my eye started bothering me, and I thought I had pink eye.  Then it changed into something like a cold or sinus problem, but nothing like I've ever had before.  I am so run down and I think I might be depressed and my body is trying to respond because my mind won't.  I'm sort of numb right now.I should be taking care of myself, or something, and get more details about what the doctor said, but this is where my journal went today.Thanks for listening to my long story friends.  I do care about all of you, but I don't know if I can address anything right now.Love you.Theresa 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Theresa... always the caregiver. You have been so amazingly strong and able through this very emotional and heartbreaking time. Give yourself a pat on the back and then give your body a rest. We forget (at least I do) how much time it takes to \"get back to normal\". We\'ll get there.
I think of you often... don\'t worry about taking time off (journaling)...
We understand, for me, this is a life long friendship Theresa.

Love yah
Blessings
Dodi
tbhope1
tbhope1

Thank you Dodi. It does take a long time. I think it\'s an experience you never get over, or it feels that way.
I am so happy to hear that you and I are lifetime friends. That does give me comfort.
I hope you are doing ok. I\'m with you sister.
Love,
Theresa