Dreams

Yesterday was a bad day.  I have been doing so well, I dont know what happened.  It doesnt help that I keep having dreams about the MC and also having dreams that we are trying but we cant get pregnant after multiple IUI's.  Im also upset because I feel like it is my fault.  I have very low estrogen levels and to conceive this baby they uped my Estrogen pills to four times a day.  At my 8 wk US the doctor said I could go down to twice a day.  So I did and the next week the baby passed.  I wish I would of had them do a bld draw first to see what my levels where.  What if this could have been prevented... I feel like it's all my fault.    Every body just wants you to move on, to forget about it and start trying again.  I dont want to move on, I dont want to forget about this baby that we have been trying for for so long.  Why dont people get that?  And alot of people dont even bring it up to you, they act like it never happened.  Sorry for the venting.   I called my OB's office today to see if the bld work results where back, but they said no.  Probably not tell next week.  I hope something comes back so we can fix it.  I wish I would of had the testing on the fetus.  I would of loved to know what we were having.  Then I could name the baby and make her more real.