Its one sixteen in the morning and im up why i have no idea my minds running away with me again. I really hate it when it does this cause then i can never get back to sleep right away. So many things going on all at once and I just dont know how to handle them all with out any friends there to be there for me and some one to talk to or hang out with when i need it the most. I'm so use to dealing with things my self and trying to fight them I'm getting to the point where i dont think i cant fight them any more alone with out some one there to help me and encourage me to move forward. I just dont know any more what to do. Its so confusing any more.. I love my family very much they mean the world to me but sometimes i wish i could just dissapear from them for a while and be alone for a couple of weeks or a couple of months would be wonderful. Theres so much drama and problems here that i always want to fix these and never fix my own before hand. It gets so old. And my family dont understand that i have my own problems that need fixing and i cant do that with them yelling or screaming all the time at me it dont work that way. They just make it so i want to crawl into a whole and never come out. Like a crab or something. They just dont understand i dont feel like im me any more and that i dont even know who ME is at all and i want it back to were i was happy and not always sad and deperessed and upset with the world and think every ones out to get me when their not. I want a normal life where i can go put a application in for a job and have the confidence to do so. Where i can be proud of who and what i am and not always like people make me think low about myself. I want to be able to stand up for myself like i use to and not take peoples bullshit and have my own mind like i use to unlike now i just like people mainly guys walk all over me and use me for what they want and then bounce and what they can get out of me and im sick of my self letting me do that when i know in my head ill regert it later on. All i know is that i need to change but change for the good not how every one else wants me to change to fit their need but to change in order to fit mine to make my life happier and more stable and not so damn deperssing all the time. Where i can wake up every morning and be like its a bran new day and nothings going to get me down This time. And nothings going to stand in the way of what i want to achieve.
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