Its comeing back pain more and more pain never ending never stoping never letting up on me always right there never any happiness just sad a misery Love is not real its fake something that doesnt happen to me something that is so unreal it cant be true just something that other people get I get nothing but hurtful words and used by guys that dont want nothing to do with me I sit there and cry but im the one that lets them do these things So young and so stupid. So blind so dumb why cant i find one guy that aint going to use me or betray me one that would love me the way i am and wouldnt ever want to change me. That would love me the way i am for the inside as much as the out. Thoughts in my mind know that isnt ever going to come true Guys just want to use me never love me..Am i really unloveable is it true that im never going to have the real deal So many people i see every day having it so hard to see and not ever having it....Sometimes i want life to end so badly i wish i did have the balls to just commit sucicde then my family come into play and i cant do it cause of what they would think and how they would feel i dont have the courage to brake their hearts and let it known that im such a failure at life. that i cant do anything right.. I hate life its true. life is pointless to me just a never ending loseing battle i know i cant ever win. Nothing goes right im happy but it last only a short period in time then im back to being sad and miserrable again and when i see good i know the bad is comeing so afaird of people i dont want to leave my house any more even though i know i must sit and suffer thur the pain i feel every day it rips and takes every ouch of strength i have to wake up in the morning and face a new day and go thur it. Knowing i dont really want to be here any more . Its a challenge and a battle a war i dont think i can win. And a game i dont want to play any more Sitting up crying at night to get myself to sleep. eyes always burnin hurting from the tears fallen every night. I hate this feeling of i dont belong here. that i fit in no where and no one really even cares. Why am i here i never asked to be i never wanted to be who i am i wish every day i cud be some one else but it never comes true. Why if there is a god does he do these things to me i dont want it any more. I want it to stop and go away and never have to deal with it again. Stop talking to men maybe that will help a little bit. then the lonley bug pecks its ugly head and i do it all over again. just to get attention in the wrong way and get heartbroken again its a never ending story or one that just keeps repeating itself ...............in my mind and my heart i want a guy but at the same time a big portion of me hates them with a passion!! what do i do i dont know any more...... Damn it just stop!!!!!!!