I wanted to write today to say that I'm feeling uncertain about all of us. I feel like I'm allowing him to win in some small way by letting him slowly back into my life. The problem is that he doesn't accept "no". It's his way...all the time. I'm trying to hold my ground and sort through in my mind all of this and what I have discovered. Unfortunately, the things that I have discovered have been circumstancial but his history as proven otherwise so what else am I to believe?

My goal now is to clear my heart and what is right for me. This trip in July is very very important to me. I've spent a lot of money and time in planning this and with or without him, I'm going to Italy. Too much at stake financially and emotionally not to go. I'm doing this for "me" and I'm going there with a pure heart not with anger and malice.