I just need to check in with myself today as my mind is wondering and wandering… My partner has barely touched me in over a month, and worse yet, he comes to bed so late that I am fast asleep and don’t realize he has come to bed until much later. Subsequently, I lay awake almost the entire night thinking bad thoughts about myself, my inadequacies, my faults… I’ve got to break out of this because it is making me so sad and self-conscious, not to mention tired… Further, I just don’t need to be so judgmental of myself. I’m not judgmental about other people, so why do I turn the demons on myself??? OK, my weight bothers me, but I’m a Crawford who is shaped just like my fraternal grandmother (let’s face it, I’m never going to be skinny as a rail—it is not in my genetics to be so). Honestly, I handle my finances (and my partner's as well), I keep a relatively clean house (which is cluttered as I await my new dresser when my partner returns), I keep the house well-stocked with the things that make a household operate, and I’m not a personal slob and try to maintain a neat appearance (I'm a nice looking woman which I think is mainly my spirit projecting out). I am kind to people, even those I don’t know, I say please and thank you endlessly, and I take time to learn people’s names at WalMart and the grocery store. Oh, yeah, I always smell wonderful thanks to my ever beloved patchouli! I’m a good person, and I think I’m only feeling inadequate because of the lack of physical closeness in my relationship. If I can just remember about male menopause and realize that he is the Mr. Poopy Pants here (I mean, the first think he did when he came home last weekend was YELL at me for some stupid thing—I realize, it is a long drive and he’s moody after he makes it). Just once, I’d like for him to come in the door after a long week away, give me a hug and a kiss, and tell me he loves me! (I know, keep dreaming…) Oh, well, I feel better now that I’ve had a little cry, and most importantly, now that I’ve gotten it down in my journal. Silly, I know, and let’s face it, the Moon is heading for Darkness (last quarter this Wednesday), and I always have these feelings this time of the month. I guess the main blessing is that I am home alone to work this all out and find my happy place again! (Actually, I think I've found it already!) Just one more thing: the Schnauzers got hair cuts this morning, and all I can say is that I’m getting pretty darn good at it! Not to bad with squirmy, wormy PaPoo either though it would be a bit more even if she’d hold still… This is the first time I clipped them and didn’t skin them down completely. If I could just keep up with them, it would always be easier to groom them! Food for thought!
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I got the same problem at times with my huby..he keeps telling me it\'s not me it\'s him..some times we feel more like room mates then huby/wife..and god only knows where I will wake up at in the mornings..some times it\'s my bed or the couch or in bed with me son..i sleep wake at times..just remeber all the good times wtih him thats what i do..think after awhile ppl get comfortable with how there with and they forget how to be loveable, guys don\'t get it that a hug and kiss can go along ways...
The only thing I can tell you, and maybe you\'ve already tried this, is that you have to tell him that you\'re feeling hurt. Or that something\'s missing. Then you can work on it. Otherwise, it just sits there and festers. People do get comfortable and don\'t realize how selfish they are being or that marriage or partnerships don\'t stop needing work just because you\'ve been at it for a while. If you tell him, and he makes no effort to change, then you know where the problem lies and can take action from there as you see fit. I know no woman feels like they should have to tell their man what they need, but sometimes, you just have to accept that that\'s the way it is, and we need a smack in the head every once in a while. Be well! John
John: I forgot about the he-man code and yes, my man is a once-born... And no, he has not had tons of relationships in his life, which is good but challenging when I forget... I also just needed to vent, cry for 5 minutes, and get on with my day. The Dark Moon always makes be a drama queen with all kinds of poor-me dramas in my head that simply do not exist!
Thank you for your comments as I know you have a close relationship with your wife. I also have a close relationship with my partner of nearly 10 years, but I tend to forget that he is a simple man from a family who is not demonstrative... What I really need to do when he arrives home is get up and hug him when he walks in, and give him a kiss. He\'s good at learning by example, and I need to quit feeling inferior when I am the Goddess of this farm! xo Cj
Sending you good thoughts and good dreams,, don\'t be so hard on your self...Wish u the best...later
I think it\'s in our nature to personalize it when the issue lays within them. My husband and I went through a similiar situation and it was rooted in a couple of things. First he was afraid of rejection. There had been a couple of times when I had been feeling crappy and gave him the old, \"Not tonight Dear\" treatment. He was concerned that he had hurt me in the past, physically, I mean, and was a little gun-shy. They don\'t forget that stuff. That\'s where communication comes in. I assumed he didn\'t find me attractive any more. I would make advances, he would avoid them, I believed I was repulsive. I stopped trying, so did he. Vicious circle. We finally talked....he was so afraid of hurting me, or me telling him that I was too sick all the time, or only doing it to make him happy that he just closed off for a while. TALK to him. -Jen