Frustrated

OK so I'm frustrated with being sick, or incapaciated or generally useless. Grrrrr I went out to dig a couple of fence post holes the other day and it liked to have killed me. I have been doing fencing all my life on the ranch and now I can barely lift the post hole digger let alone dig a hole with it. It took me the entire day for my Grandson who is 4 and I to dig out the tree roots so hubby can cut the rest of the tree stump out.  I go out to feed the horses and it takes me twice as long as it used to. Lucky for the horses they all look like they need Jenny Craig and aren't really starving to death. I figured out that I can no longer keep up with my 4 year old Grandson even though he is the absolute love of my life, and I barely can make it through a whole day at work and I am now on part time. I now work 7 days out of a 10 day work period. I am tired of going to work tired and coming home exhauste, then I hurt everwhere. I know this too will pass but dayum every once in awhile you need to just sit down and have a good cry for everything in your life you have lost. As one of our dear friends on DS said its like grieving, and that is exactly what we do. We grieve for the things we have lost because we can no longer achieve the perfection we expect of ourselves. My Hubby tries to understand I suppose, but in all actuality, all he does is irritate the hell out of me by patronizing me and saying Oh I understand but egging me on to push myself even farther than I know I can handle. That's his way of keeping me going I suppose. His latest is we can't afford you to cut anymore hours as we will be so far in debt we could loose this or that. Or how about this one, I need to find a doctor that can fix whats wrong with me, but in the same sentence he is complaining about all the medical bills we have wracked up, That really encourages me to go look for another doctor! Or continue on any or all the medications I currently take just to make it through the day. My kids bless their hearts have lives of their own and really can't be bothered with my problems as they have a million problems of their own to deal with. Besides asking them for any help around the place is like pulling teeth. I guess it is a one way street as far as help goes. I am expected to help them with everything and anything but OH MY GOD don't ask them for help because they always have something else to do. And usually my schedule never fits within their schedules. OK I suppose I'm done bytching now, I don't actually feel any better but I got it off my chest.