today
Today I met with one of my girlfriends I haven't seen in several months. We have been friends for 20 years. She saw the post on FB about my son's accident and said she just couldn't go to the funeral or come and see me until now. She couldn't handle it and I told I her I understood, which I do. She has been in touch in emails and online very often but she said knowing how close I was with my kids, she couldn't bear to see me in pain. The funny thing is something seemed to happy to me the past week, almost since I got on this site. I am not sure if I am numb or if my subconscious is blocking out the pain. I haven't been able to look at pictures of my son, other than the ones around my house all the time and for some reason, I haven't really cried in the past few days, teared up a few times but my brain feels like I am blocking things out. I had dinner last night with Josh's best friend and a girl he was dating and very good friends with. She is moving and called to have dinner with me before she left. We talked and laughed about memories but even when I saw them get tears at the end of the meal, I just said let's end our meal on a high note and got up and wouldn't let any of us cry. Is this a normal stage? I really feel like I am shutting out the emotion this week. I want to much to watch some videos my son made and I can't get myself to do it. It seems the only thing I do well lately is eat!!! UGH. I think I gained 30 pounds in the 4 months. I need to get a grip on that as much as the grieving. My son would be the first one to kick my rear end for putting on so much weight. Anyway, this is my tale of woe today. It's good to have a place to vent. Thank you to all of my new friends.
Replies
Any emotion or \"lack\" is normal - I remember being at my daughter\'s memorial, dry eyed, hugging people, saying the proper things and really not feeling anything - Now I know I was in shock and numb and in disbelief, really unable to grasp what has just happened. It\'s normal.....I find now, going on my 3rd year without my daughter that I cry more now...I smile, too when I remember certain memories but the first year I was totally in shock.....2nd year was tough as the numbness wore off and the reality kicked in....I continue to work, but holidays, birthdays, etc. are so hard for me.....
Sometimes I\'m afraid if I start crying, I will never stop and I will end up in a rocking chair, unable to speak for the rest of my life.....I will sometimes stop my tears and \"move on\" to something else...This may sound weird but to have others cry about my daughter warms my heart as I know they miss her too!....BUT I\'m learning, it is healthier to let the tears flow when they come, let the emotions unfold and just BE....Tears, no tears, highs and lows are all part of this journey.
I still am unable to have a picture of my daughter out ----It\'s too painful for me and I just can\'t do it, yet.....that\'s okay too.
Thank you for sharing as it lets me know, I\'m not alone on this journey.
((((hugs)))) Vicki
Each of us handles this loss differently. The one thing I know is that it will be and is a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs...some really high or low at times. The best advice is to honor however you feel. If you feel good...allow yourself to do that...and if you are down...feel what you feel then too.
Pictures were always hard for me...they sucked me in...and so it was a while before I could keep a pic of Alex on my desk at work. If it had been there i would have been unable to function. AND..to this day, my husband cannot watch videos...so as I said...different for each one. Take gentle care...love and hugs...Karen
Thank you for letting me know I am normal having these mood swings. I lost both of my parents but the pain was nothing like this, although losing my dad when he was 68 hurt a lot more than when my mom died at 89. Losing a child is the worst.
Oh yes, I remember the numb days and the days that I could not stop crying and everything in between for many years. It is definitely all very normal, the mixed emotions, the numbness, even not being able to get out and go anywhere at times. I gained a lot of weight and my health further deteriorated. Grief is exhausting - physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc. As Karen says, it is different for everybody but yet so similar for some. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Sending lots of love and compassion,
Leda
my tears flow so easy,,,, after 6 years,,,, they just come,, and I let them.... I wish I could get rid of those unwanted pounds that showed up,,, grieving is so hard and stressful.... mood swings... ha still have those,,, and I think I always will,,,, this is me now... I tell myself... and then the tears flow love ya!
However you are feeling is what it needs to BE for now. Tears, no tears... It\'s all okay and there is no \"expected\" way for you to feel. What matters is that you are and sometimes that safe cocoon of almost feeling suspended above the emotions is needed too. That is where I found and still find a moment of respite and time to catch my breath so to speak.
Just feel reassured that there is nothing \"wrong\" with you. Grief is not a disease to \"get over\" and unfortunately our culture is not comfortable at all or educated about death and loss. I think in time we become the teachers to many to help them to understand that the greatest gift they can offer is their presence. No need to \"fix\" \"solve\" or words of wisdom unless asked. A hug or sitting in silence with another can speak a thousand words.
Loving care and the utmost of understanding,
XO Joanie
Oh the changes that take place, numbness, fear, hardship, pain on and on. Each hit at different times triggered by different things. Tears have an on and off thing it hits when you lest expect it and they do not come when your ready for them ( tricky that way).
This journey is different for everyone but hurts just the same. Keep journaling it really helps.
Hugs Penny