There are days when I feel great and upbeat. Then there are days when I feel so depressed and alone. I said in the beginning that I would be optimistic about this new year. But in the past few days, I've been sad, crying and frustrated. Sunday will be a month since I've lost my little angel. I know that it's been years and months since some of these ladies on here have lost their little ones. I feel like it just happened yesterday. Everyday I think about him and I look down at my belly and wonder what could have been. I'm starting to tear up as I'm writing this. I keep seeing babies and little kids and it sucks. This is so hard. I thought I was stronger than this but I'm not. I miss him so much. I try not to think about it but it's hard not to especially when I close my eyes at night. I started working out a couple of days ago and it felt weird. I was doing crunches and pushups and it kind of saddened me. I'm glad that I'm working out again but it's also sad. I know in time that things will get better. I guess it's just the beginning of the new year that's making me feel this way since I had high hopes for it when I found out I was pregnant. I don't have a lot of friends here in Seattle. My friends are back on the east coast. The only friend I have here is pregnant and I don't want to be around her right now. My husband is doing a lot better than I am and that's good. I just want everything to be the way it was before. But I guess that all depends on me. I'm still optimistic that I'll get pregnant and become a mom again. It's just the time in between that's going to be difficult for me.