Feelings

I just understood why I love my wife... For all this time I wasn't able to answer this question and now I can. I write it through tears as I've never felt something like this... She knows I lie. She have realised that many years ago, we were maybe some 2 years after a marriage or so when she found there are many lies in what I am telling. Then she was sometimes catching me on my lies, some very hurting her deepest feelings. Well, She is very bound to the truth. What an irony... Now I confessed now to her that  I am a liar and have real trouble in controlling what I say - to tell the truth I must think for a moment, just as I have already described here. Even thoe I have evidences that she trusts me. Of course not everything, she is checking me sometimes. But in general she trusts me. She could do so many things to protect herself, after all she doesn't know what to expect from me. But she does nothing, trusting I won't hurt her. I believe, that deeply in her heart she still loves me. She no longer believes in that but wht she does is against what she sais. I don't know if this feeling is strong enough to give me time and to save our marriage. But the fact that someone trusts me KNOWING about my horrible truth is so.. I can't even find a word in my native language Of course this isn't the only reason. But I think the biggest one... God, I don't want to loose her. I want to have her back so much...