Day One

First step was managing to join the group after many frsutrating attempts. Now I need to work out how to post and get support. I don't appear to be alone in the way I behave, and I'm not alone in the hurt I've caused. That's a bit of a relief. I didn't expect there to be other people who acted the same way that I do. I just hope I can stop this cycle.
 
This morning my husband told me he'd been reading about lying last night and it's a mental illness. That gives me some hope, that if it's an illness then I have a chance of getting better. After nearly a year of intense marital stress, drip feeding him information, withholding things from him, going to CBT and mostly being treated for depression and anxiety then being told they can't do anything more for me and having to discharge me, I have felt like I've been inside a washing machine and on a rollercoaster. My husband has asked me sign divorce papers three times, but this time it really seems to be the end. I may not have any more chances with him, but I need to get myself sorted out.