angry

I hate feeling this way. I am so angry that I feel like this how I'm going to be for the rest of my life.  I have been angry since I found out I had PCOS 6 yrs ago. I am angry at the fact that I lost over 50 pounds and yes I started to get my period on my own and I was told that I am ovulating but there is something else wrong.  I am not actively trying to conceive but I am not preventing it either.  I surely thought last month that I would have conceived but nothing happened I still got my period.  I don't understand what could have gone wrong. I deeply feel now that I am now faced with another infertility issue.  Possible endometriosis, scarred, possibly blocked fallopian tubes one of them has affected me.  I will have to have an HSG done this summer to see what is going on now.  I really did not want to have this procedure, due to the pain I heard that is experienced with this procedure. I thought once I would have conceived last month that I would not need this but things didn’t go my way as usual. I’m so hurt I don’t understand I worked so hard trying to loose weight so that I could get my hormones straight and have children but as yet again it was a slap in the face. I feel as though me losing weight was in vain, I worked hard for nothing. It bothers me when I see women who are bigger than me with babies or pregnant and I basically had to lose half of my body weight just to have a fucking cycle!!! I hate my body with a passion, I hate I can’t control more than what I can control. I don’t understand why I have to go through all of this, what did I do to deserve this! It’s hard watching people around me have babies and yet I just started having cycles on my own. I’m so angry, yet hurt about how my life has turned out. I could not have imagined that I could not have a baby on my own.