So much has happened in the passed few years .it all seems bad .I need something good to happen .I pray all the time .I just feel disconnected from everyone everything even God .just three years ago if anyone would of told me so much would happen that I would be so broken its hard to want to live I would not of believed it .my health started giving me trouble to the point I had to stop work.I got my disability. Then they found breast cancer I had a double mastectomy .two years 2 months 14 days cancer free .then my husband started going down they found cancer in him .we was told he would die from other issues before the cancer could start giving him issues .they said he had around 5 years . this time last year he really started getting worse .by july he was going in and out of icu every other week hed go in 8 to 10 days and get better and come home within a week hed be back in icu .last week of july one of his drs told me he most likly would not be leaving icu .I thought ok I can handle this I talked with the kids tried to prepare them and myself .some 10 days later he got better we came home he was doing so good .within a week he was back in icu .he came home after about 5 days but he was never right again .a week later hes back in icu .the dr came in told us short of a heart transplant they was nothing they could do .his health like it was no surgery could be done .I seen all hope leave him .that was on a friday .sunday the icu nurse gave me some papers to read .I ask him if my husband was going to die his answer was not today or tomorrow but its coming .he lived sunday .the next day monday Tuesday morning he laid his head back and was gone . Not even a year had went by .at that moment I did not think anything could hurt more .38 years gone so fast .well .the week went by in a fog .ten days a knock on my door around midnight ended my life as I knew it .a shrieff was standing there telling me my 36 year old daughter was dead .I know what its like to be walking dead .im broken to the point of no return .someone said you have two more kids .yes I do but I dont have my daughter. its not going to get better .it will be 6 months in a few days and its still just like it was last night .what got me out of the fog I got served papers my house in in foreclosure .ive got only a couple of months before I have to be out .no money no where to go .everyone keeps saying it'll get better .someone needs to tell me when .