Day 1

I am not having a good night tonight. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am not ready. I feel like I want to run away and not look back. If we had the money I would quit my job. My job has never been supportive of pregnancy or as a an employee in general. I feel angry and sad right now. Why was part of me taken away? I did everything right. I don't drink, smoke, eat fast food, I exercise and make sure I am not around chemicals and eat majority organic foods. I lost the 28 lbs my doctor told me to and kept it off for an entire year and counting! I just don't get it. I am a firm believer in God's plan but man do I really wish I could turn back time or change the outcome of this. I would give everything up to have my baby back. I would live on the streets and start from the bottom to have my baby back. I know it was only 8 weeks when it passed but I still want it back. It was my baby. MINE! Now I have to go back into the real world tomorrow. I have to go into it with a piece of me missing. I have been able to be home for 9 days but that even doesn't feel like enough. I am hoping I make it through.