I remember when we all could keep track of everyones precious childrens angel date & birthdays. Its impossible now, there are so many... Just know, as you do know, we all are one, we all can understand without even saying anything, its b/c we are all sisters... WOW! I was the only girl in my family, I have 2 best friends, and 1 cousin, who are like my sisters.. One friend, Debby who I grew up with since we both were 4 years old..The other friend, Marie who I met later in life. Marie I believe is my earthly Angel, I had said that to her several times. Now I know, she is an angel.. She is around 64 years in age, about 12,13 years older than me.. When we get together everything seems as though we are in heaven ourselfs. When we talk our words just flow, as though we are one.. If I say something, shes already thinking it or vice versa.... We get goose bumps, and we laugh....My cousin Kathy and I grew up together, we had the same grandparents, we had alot of good times together.. We were always together, sleeping over nanny & papa's house..My father and her mom are siblings...I don't see them as much as I use to...Now I'm getting weller,lol... I'm going to rejoice with them...my promise to myself.......Now I have all you sisters, Wow! I always wanted a sister...God works in mysterious ways!!! God has the plans, I don't...Those are some of my words I say to myself, it helps me through the pain, and to stay sane... I have created alot of words to relieve the pain..It works if you work at it!! Promise...."God has the plans" I have no control, and can't change Gods plans for us... My problem was I wanted to plan my life, I wanted my children to be protected and safe..I want my children with ME...You hear me God? But I can't get my son back. The pain I have is all about getting what I want. When I accept knowing, I'll never get my son back in my life time.. IS WHEN THE PAIN SUBSIDES...Its Gods world not mine.. BOY when I can't get what I want, I go insane.. Selfish AREN"T I!!!!!lol  Thats LIFE> ITS HARD< IT SUCKS< LESS THEN IT USE TO THOUGH!! I'm just learing to adjust!! Wow! HUH!  Love you my friends, Kelly

Replies

SusanLarson
SusanLarson

Hugs, Susan
deleted_user
deleted_user

Remember we are here for life lessons so we can ,make it to a higher level.I\'m still trying to figure what we did to get this.Proabley something different for each of us. Yes God is in control...I\'m just a passager.Your friend sounds great.All I\'ve ever found is fools gold.I got tried of not meeting any one that was real.I have a lot of aquatince(sp?) but no good friends like that.At my age of time and time again better safe takeing care of my family.Than trying to find a true friend .I\'m sure she is God send . HUGS LYNN
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sometimes the hardest thing to learn, is that we truly have no control over anything. Hard less to learn. Hugs Cathy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Not having any control is one of the hardest parts of this journey. It is when we not just realize, but accept that we can\'t change a single thing, that perhaps some healing begins. I have had a BFF for 45 years. I would not trade her for the world. I am glad you have yours. Hugs, Barbara
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

I\'m intrigued by your observation that when you truly accept that you will never get your son back in this life that the pain subsides. I need to get to that point and to accept that we simply cannot change the way things are. I think of the serenity prayer and try to hold to that ~ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

How wonderful that your silent prayer for sisters has brought such a richness to your life!

Love and hugs ~ Debbie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Control, yes it is all in God\'s hands, Even though I would still like to have the control I know that I can\'t. Like Debbie said...\"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.\" It would be so great to have a BFF like that. I don\'t think I have ever really had one of them in my life, but I too have all of you as my sisters...Hugs, Connie
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think Kelli is probably right. For some reason that even I don\'t understand, I reached that stage of acceptance very early, before last Christmas--about 6 months+ after Mike died, and really since then, the pain has been MUCH less. It is still bad at times, but compared to how it was before, it is bearable. I attribute my success in part to the fact that I had Griefshare and FMO going at the same time, plus I\'d been to Compassionate Friends, AND I go to a counselor, so I have had a lot of resources to draw from, even though I haven\'t had a great deal of family support. I will say, though, that I am normally SO outgoing, and I became SO withdrawn, the I KNEW I was in deep DOO DOO and had to do something to fix myself. So I really worked at it. I am a believer in Abraham Lincoln\'s famous saying \"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.\" (He lost a son, too.) Sometimes it takes hard work to find that happiness again, and it will be different than before, but eventually, it comes, a little at a time, until it starts to feel natural again. Hugs, Cherie
JennsMom66
JennsMom66

I guess I am afraid that if I \'accept\' that Jenn is gone from me for the rest of my earthly life...what then ? I know in my brain that she is not here... believe me every visit to her gravesite and seeing her name in granite makes it very permanent..but my heart aches to see her and talk with her and hold her.
We have the Melanoma walk this coming Sunday and once again we are presenting the Jennifer Gancarz Memorial Award...maybe that is what has me so on edge these past few days. I did it last year, and I got through it.. I will do it again and I will get through it again. I have to remember the family we are honoring also lost a loved one, so I am not doing this alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have to agree with all the above, and good old Abe \"we are as happy as we make up our mind to be\" even though I have some bad moments, they are not entire days. I am succeeding in my goal to find joy in each day, even it it is only a little!!! Love to all Wendy
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Such a heart-felt entry. Thank you! For me, acceptance does not take my son away from me yet it takes away some of the insanity that I can cause myself going around and around and around. Douglas resides in my heart and no one can ever take that away from me. I\'m having to learn acceptance so that I can surrender my pain and sorrow because I cannot let go of what I have not accepted yet. This journey reminds me of a spiral as I go up and down with all kinds of twists and turns. Somehow each of us is making it one moment at a time and I feel such gratitude to friends, family and the precious moms here on FMO that have become sisters of the heart for me. Thank you. Hugs, Joanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ditto, Kelli.....it IS out of our hands....we will understand on the other side....love to you.....dale, brandon\'s mom
rcoco
rcoco

Are you a hyper person?? lol Your energy is so rapid fire, and I love it! You have touched on many truths, and reflect so much of what we encounter on this most difficult path. My women friends have always been my lifeline, and as you say now we have so many wonderful new friendships here on FMO.
I too feel bad not keeping tabs on birthdays and Angel days, but I know we all share these hallmarks, and have each other in our hearts. I only wish there was no such group needed, but I am most grateful it exists.
love and light, Rebecca
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow. You said a lot of things I have thought. Sometimes I get this panicky feeling knowing that I will never see Philip again. Then I remind myself that he is so much better off with God now and has no more struggles. I tell myself that God know the answers to the \"What ifs\" and the \"if onlys\" and allowing Philip to die was His way of perhaps protecting us all from something worse (although his death sometimes seems like the worst). I thank God, he let me have him for 25 years. Much love, Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user

It helps immensely to have sisters to vent and confide in. Thanks to all..
Love and hugs,
RememberKala
RememberKala

Please remember \"THE LIST\" is posted by Ann Sullivan each month on our group page. This lists every childs birthday and angel date for the month. Yes, it\'s impossible to remember them all, so thanks to Ann we don\'t have to.

I love you dear one and can\'t wait to meet you face to face. Better pack my running shoes though so I can keep up with you!!!!