Dear diary...
tonight was fun...but I just feel so tired and don't know why!! I love playing and goofing around with the boys-but I get so sleepy really easily..and this stinkin nasuea...gross!!! I wish I didnt have to depend on sprite at work each day to get me thru it...hahha. Oh well...the Lord is still good, and know's what He's doing in my life, I know. I get sunday off to enjoy some time with my family, which means a lot to me. Tomas cut my hours down to 10 this week tho...he's so not happy with me for what, I don't know-unless it's about those bossy women that stole-grrrrrrr!!!! I can't belive they screwed up his opinion of me....
Well...I feel good, because I think I am beginning to have faith again in love. I don't know how or why, but all of a sudden it seems silly to let my past dictate my future. Why should all the heartache and hurt that I've been through, keep my from beliveing in true love, or soulmates. I know that it does exist in this world. God is love, and He must have made romantic love something that is special enough to wait on, instead of rushing it.
So I will let love awaken in my heart at it's right time, just as the poem in the bible says, and not try to make a relationship with a cute guy work, when I just don't feel that I can could have compassionate, love for him, that will be there as a secure, strong bond once sparks begin to fade to embers. I know that it happens, and there has to be more than being attracted to someone...and I am going to wait to find out what that something is.
I am still kind of concerned about being ready for western...I'm just starting a new medicine, welbutrin, that is supposed to hel pwith depression. I've been crying at everything lately it seems...and unless it gets better, I don't know if I can be able to have a healthy social life at WWU, or make it to class on time....I might be all messed up from needing too much time going throught this sadness...and never accomplish my schoolwork. I want to succeed so badly.
I felt crushed that the doctor seemed to assume I would fail, but I know he didn't mean it that way. Everyone wants to me do well, I know, and that's why my family and friends want me to be able to dive in, and really give it a shot, without being hindered by bp. I am still listening for God's voice to direct me, and I know that He will speak to me by His Holy Spirit, and give me peace when I consider the right choice, and anxiety when I think about the wrong choice.
He has a perfect plan for each and every one of us, I am convicned of it! That thought encourages me so much...the King of the Universe is that interested in me. He cares about what I dream about, and want so much, and has a plan greater than mine for me to enjoy life, and be fulfilled!
In those moments when my life feels so far away from where I thought I'd be-steady relationship, no bipolar, almost done with a ba program from one school...knowing how to drive. I just think about Paul. He knew that having discontentment was a good thing...knowing that He had not already arrived, but was becoming a better disciple of Jesus everyday. His "thorn in the flesh"-just like the things we wish were different in our lives, that may never be different, or at least on a schedule that we would never have chosen for ourselves, keeps us humble. It'sw about Me, The Lord is trying to say. I will get glory from your life, not you. I want to give God glory, not me. And even when I feel that selfish human desire to want to have more more more, and have everyone look at me, I know that God understands, and that I can ask for that desire that people see Jesus in me.
Well, I should get some sleep soon!
Love ya gals, and have a fantastic weekend!
:-) Jasmine
tonight was fun...but I just feel so tired and don't know why!! I love playing and goofing around with the boys-but I get so sleepy really easily..and this stinkin nasuea...gross!!! I wish I didnt have to depend on sprite at work each day to get me thru it...hahha. Oh well...the Lord is still good, and know's what He's doing in my life, I know. I get sunday off to enjoy some time with my family, which means a lot to me. Tomas cut my hours down to 10 this week tho...he's so not happy with me for what, I don't know-unless it's about those bossy women that stole-grrrrrrr!!!! I can't belive they screwed up his opinion of me....
Well...I feel good, because I think I am beginning to have faith again in love. I don't know how or why, but all of a sudden it seems silly to let my past dictate my future. Why should all the heartache and hurt that I've been through, keep my from beliveing in true love, or soulmates. I know that it does exist in this world. God is love, and He must have made romantic love something that is special enough to wait on, instead of rushing it.
So I will let love awaken in my heart at it's right time, just as the poem in the bible says, and not try to make a relationship with a cute guy work, when I just don't feel that I can could have compassionate, love for him, that will be there as a secure, strong bond once sparks begin to fade to embers. I know that it happens, and there has to be more than being attracted to someone...and I am going to wait to find out what that something is.
I am still kind of concerned about being ready for western...I'm just starting a new medicine, welbutrin, that is supposed to hel pwith depression. I've been crying at everything lately it seems...and unless it gets better, I don't know if I can be able to have a healthy social life at WWU, or make it to class on time....I might be all messed up from needing too much time going throught this sadness...and never accomplish my schoolwork. I want to succeed so badly.
I felt crushed that the doctor seemed to assume I would fail, but I know he didn't mean it that way. Everyone wants to me do well, I know, and that's why my family and friends want me to be able to dive in, and really give it a shot, without being hindered by bp. I am still listening for God's voice to direct me, and I know that He will speak to me by His Holy Spirit, and give me peace when I consider the right choice, and anxiety when I think about the wrong choice.
He has a perfect plan for each and every one of us, I am convicned of it! That thought encourages me so much...the King of the Universe is that interested in me. He cares about what I dream about, and want so much, and has a plan greater than mine for me to enjoy life, and be fulfilled!
In those moments when my life feels so far away from where I thought I'd be-steady relationship, no bipolar, almost done with a ba program from one school...knowing how to drive. I just think about Paul. He knew that having discontentment was a good thing...knowing that He had not already arrived, but was becoming a better disciple of Jesus everyday. His "thorn in the flesh"-just like the things we wish were different in our lives, that may never be different, or at least on a schedule that we would never have chosen for ourselves, keeps us humble. It'sw about Me, The Lord is trying to say. I will get glory from your life, not you. I want to give God glory, not me. And even when I feel that selfish human desire to want to have more more more, and have everyone look at me, I know that God understands, and that I can ask for that desire that people see Jesus in me.
Well, I should get some sleep soon!
Love ya gals, and have a fantastic weekend!
:-) Jasmine
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