Dear diary,
I havent written one of these in a while, but I thot I would keep up, and see how my moods are going...I am honesty not sure which face thingy to put down, becuase today has been so up and down...but I will optimistically keep it to good :-)in hopes that tommorow will be a more stable day...

I feel so exhausted emotionally from Mal and I feel so dang angry at myself for being so stinking stuck on him when he was just such a jerk to me! I want the comfort blanket of the dating website, and feeling admired by someone that I can talk to each day..and know that it could possibly be an enjoyable relationship...but that just isnt happening right now, and loneliness sometimes hits me like a tidal wave. Yet this morning, I felt so encouraged, and like the Lord was telling me that I could go back to school-and my Dad anointed my head with oil and prayed for me-I was sooo touched by his care, compassion, and gentleness.

I just miss my family when I work, and fear that I will miss them too bad when I go back to school-I am only starting to really see what I missed when I judged them too harshly...I love being near them so much. I also fear I need them too much, and need to step out and accomplish my dream of being a writer. I am scared of my bi polar taking away that fire and passion that I feel whenever I write, and just not caring to do it anymore. I am scared of not being able to do school anymore....because I failed so miserably at the last two schools. Why am I so anxious about everything!!!

I know that I need to cast my cares upon Jesus, because he cares for me. I will pray and seek the Lord, and know that I will recieve help for my time of need, and the right answer. And I trust that I will always love writing, that He would never take that special gift from me. He loves me, and has given me my interests and the things I love for His glory, and I will always be able to have the privilege to use my gifts for His kingdom!

Well, goondite journal, I better get some sleep :-)

-Jazzi