thoughts
i have belonged to this group for a few years now. at first it was a great escape during the long midnite shifts. i met a lot of people along the way.....became close to a few....now i rarely visit, and most of those that i had become close to have since left. a few have left this world and a few have just left this site. but i miss them equally as much....
our little room addition is quickly coming to an end. i am amazed at how well it has turned out. have had several comments, compliments about it. so it is a good feeling all round....
my stepdad passed away a couple of weeks ago. he had turned a cold shoulder towards me several years ago. in fact, he did not want me to attend my mothers funeral and since then he has kept his distance. so i wasn't impacted much by his passing. yet, it still marks another point in my life that reminds me that life is fleeting. he was cremated but we still have not had a memorial service. i plan to attend. i think it will bring a certain amount of closure to our relationship as well as marking his role in shaping my life. i have a lot of memories growing up, but none that would reflect upon him very positively. he wasn't abusive, just elusive. his presence in my life would best be described as absent....
the weather is transitioning here in southern missouri. i think it will be another glorious fall. in some ways i look forward to the event. however, with each season that passes, it reminds me that there aren't many left for me to enjoy. i am thankful though for the good health that i continue to experience. i still am not needing oxygen. even though i quit walking six months ago to build on to our house, i still can walk a couple of miles without effort.
i get a little worried, sad, anxious as this clinical trial comes to an end. i worry about the results of ending the drug. i am sad that the future seems a bit bleak. i am anxious in the direction that the future holds for me. i have been looking into buying a drug called perfinedone online. it is the only drug available for treating PF. it is legal in several other countries just not the USA. so purchasing it involves an almost crime. it would mean attaining it without a Dr. approval or prescription. and so the all the other health care that would normally go along with the treatment then becomes unavailable or at best sketchy or perhaps not as well monitored. and yet....the alternative is even more bleak.
my wife got a job with her old comapany that allows her to work at home. we turned the small bedroom into an office; redid the floor; painted the walls; put on new trim; made some modifications to an old entertainment center; installed a countertop to use as a workspace. and now she is ready to go. i think it will be good for her, but it will require some adjustments to our life. i think it will be worth it in the long run.
and so those are some thoughts.....or maybe not....maybe just relfections and news to anyone who might read this rambling mess.....maybe i'll journal again in the next few days and try harder to express some thoughts....
our little room addition is quickly coming to an end. i am amazed at how well it has turned out. have had several comments, compliments about it. so it is a good feeling all round....
my stepdad passed away a couple of weeks ago. he had turned a cold shoulder towards me several years ago. in fact, he did not want me to attend my mothers funeral and since then he has kept his distance. so i wasn't impacted much by his passing. yet, it still marks another point in my life that reminds me that life is fleeting. he was cremated but we still have not had a memorial service. i plan to attend. i think it will bring a certain amount of closure to our relationship as well as marking his role in shaping my life. i have a lot of memories growing up, but none that would reflect upon him very positively. he wasn't abusive, just elusive. his presence in my life would best be described as absent....
the weather is transitioning here in southern missouri. i think it will be another glorious fall. in some ways i look forward to the event. however, with each season that passes, it reminds me that there aren't many left for me to enjoy. i am thankful though for the good health that i continue to experience. i still am not needing oxygen. even though i quit walking six months ago to build on to our house, i still can walk a couple of miles without effort.
i get a little worried, sad, anxious as this clinical trial comes to an end. i worry about the results of ending the drug. i am sad that the future seems a bit bleak. i am anxious in the direction that the future holds for me. i have been looking into buying a drug called perfinedone online. it is the only drug available for treating PF. it is legal in several other countries just not the USA. so purchasing it involves an almost crime. it would mean attaining it without a Dr. approval or prescription. and so the all the other health care that would normally go along with the treatment then becomes unavailable or at best sketchy or perhaps not as well monitored. and yet....the alternative is even more bleak.
my wife got a job with her old comapany that allows her to work at home. we turned the small bedroom into an office; redid the floor; painted the walls; put on new trim; made some modifications to an old entertainment center; installed a countertop to use as a workspace. and now she is ready to go. i think it will be good for her, but it will require some adjustments to our life. i think it will be worth it in the long run.
and so those are some thoughts.....or maybe not....maybe just relfections and news to anyone who might read this rambling mess.....maybe i'll journal again in the next few days and try harder to express some thoughts....
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