I'm back to feeling numb again instead of devastated. Cymbalta. I even got the job I put in for & to my surprise, it wasn't like a big deal, I mean, I didn't get any kind of adrenaline rush, it was like, ok, I gotta finish up my projects so I can move to the other job, gotta find some boxes, clean up my area, etc. Just kind of, I don't know. My sadness is real close to the surface lately. I see so many things that make me think of Joe, it's still hard to believe he's gone. I get jealous of people when they talk about their sons, & I wonder if they know how blessed they are for the gift they've been given. My faith in Jesus & God & an afterlife just grows & grows. It keeps me going. It makes me see life from others' perspectives. It shows me what's important. After all these years, I am able to forgive my mother-in-law for things she's done to us over the years. That's just not important anymore. She's about to meet her maker, she's just a 90-lb shell of an organic body, when she dies, the body will decay, & where is her soul? I believe my Joe is in some kind of heaven or other dimension, and he's in perfect peace. It's my duty to pray for her so she will be forgiven. i know I'm rambling here but I'm trying to explain what's happened to me since Joe...died. I still hate saying that.
Replies
I know the \"numb\" feeling. It\'s either numbness fromthe drugs (prozac is my drug of choice) or complete devastation and tears.
Then again, you have three kids and three grandkids, that is so much more than other people! Are any of your grandchildren Joes children?
Hi AZ03, no, Joe never married or had kids (that I know of). I do have a lot to be thankful for, my kids & grandkids & a few understanding friends. We have to remember things like that when we feel so hopeless. It keeps me here (on earth). But we can\'t help it when those big old waves of despair wipe us out. Listen to this, I know someone whose son was MURDERED, & he tells me, Just let it go. !! That\'s how he copes. Someday it will catch up with him, I think. I guess what we\'re going through is normal human behavior when someone you gave birth to is gone from existance. The new normal, huh?