You may have witnessed this a million times , but hey its always good to talk
I'm 23 years old from a small country in the middle east where we have fabulously nothing .
When i was 12 months old i was cursed and yes its a curse , when you are always weak and stupid , when you are always in behind of every thing , when every body around you seems to look at you as if they are looking to a wounded animal or a person who is about to get executed , when you have no friends , no love , no health , nothing to crave for , nothing to desire . Then yes IT IS a curse .
I do think that god choose me out love , but shit if love means getting fucked then i don't want this kind of love . I have never talked about it in my life to any body . My family always say to me "don't fake sickness" while i'm struggling inside i keep or try to keep a smile by saying "you got me i'm faking it "
What do they know , huh ; what do they know about getting bullied for 8 years in row ; what do they know if growing up with nobody to talk to but my self i'm the mirror , what do they know about losing all friendship all connections , what do they know about crying in my self so loud that my gasping block all other sounds .
I grew up in a family of 8 in a low to middle class family with a rent house , i i'm in the middle , nobody ever got me a present , no body asked me what i want or what i need .
There is a good thing happened though , i learned how escape into my own mind , i have learned how to escape from realty to a world free of sickness of sadness , the world became so loud for me and by then i was 13-15 i think my memory is not as good as it use to be - shit nothing in me is good as it use to be - it was then i tried to kill my self for the first time with a razor right to neck , well i couldn't do it , how can you kill your self if you love your self , it was me who helped me through me's darkest hours.
I learned how to get into book and reading i learned that my mind is my secret tunnel that leades me out of my sadness .
I became in high school and aced it , yet even now in collage after 10 years from the above- mentioned incident , i still feel empty inside .
I have never did any thing all i did was reading , reading and playing video games what tended to be the perfect way to a have a good life , well i cant get it in real life so what it dose it matter where i get it right ,
i'm happy that i did but i'm not whole i'm still the same kid who cried to sleep , the same kid who tried to kill him self , i have not moved , i have only swim like a fish the time current managing only to grew up .
Every time i look into mirror i see that kid looking at me , waiting for me for getting that razor blade again , and he screams so loud i can hear him sometimes , i can hear his cries in the night while his family is out side dining , i can still hear the punches that broke the kid's bones , I have the halo of darkness that destroyed every thing that comes to close .
I'm not a bad person , never was , But life changed me , life fucked me for 23 years
Its my time to start throwing punches
I will care no more , i will love no more , i will prey no more .
I'm 23 years old from a small country in the middle east where we have fabulously nothing .
When i was 12 months old i was cursed and yes its a curse , when you are always weak and stupid , when you are always in behind of every thing , when every body around you seems to look at you as if they are looking to a wounded animal or a person who is about to get executed , when you have no friends , no love , no health , nothing to crave for , nothing to desire . Then yes IT IS a curse .
I do think that god choose me out love , but shit if love means getting fucked then i don't want this kind of love . I have never talked about it in my life to any body . My family always say to me "don't fake sickness" while i'm struggling inside i keep or try to keep a smile by saying "you got me i'm faking it "
What do they know , huh ; what do they know about getting bullied for 8 years in row ; what do they know if growing up with nobody to talk to but my self i'm the mirror , what do they know about losing all friendship all connections , what do they know about crying in my self so loud that my gasping block all other sounds .
I grew up in a family of 8 in a low to middle class family with a rent house , i i'm in the middle , nobody ever got me a present , no body asked me what i want or what i need .
There is a good thing happened though , i learned how escape into my own mind , i have learned how to escape from realty to a world free of sickness of sadness , the world became so loud for me and by then i was 13-15 i think my memory is not as good as it use to be - shit nothing in me is good as it use to be - it was then i tried to kill my self for the first time with a razor right to neck , well i couldn't do it , how can you kill your self if you love your self , it was me who helped me through me's darkest hours.
I learned how to get into book and reading i learned that my mind is my secret tunnel that leades me out of my sadness .
I became in high school and aced it , yet even now in collage after 10 years from the above- mentioned incident , i still feel empty inside .
I have never did any thing all i did was reading , reading and playing video games what tended to be the perfect way to a have a good life , well i cant get it in real life so what it dose it matter where i get it right ,
i'm happy that i did but i'm not whole i'm still the same kid who cried to sleep , the same kid who tried to kill him self , i have not moved , i have only swim like a fish the time current managing only to grew up .
Every time i look into mirror i see that kid looking at me , waiting for me for getting that razor blade again , and he screams so loud i can hear him sometimes , i can hear his cries in the night while his family is out side dining , i can still hear the punches that broke the kid's bones , I have the halo of darkness that destroyed every thing that comes to close .
I'm not a bad person , never was , But life changed me , life fucked me for 23 years
Its my time to start throwing punches
I will care no more , i will love no more , i will prey no more .
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