#77 "Strange Relief"

hi guys-yesterday, i ran some errands. this included a trip to the mall to pay my phone bill. i can't go to the mall without also going to the disney store and barnes and noble. so i'm there last night buying my act prep book, and...i'll just let the poem tell you what happened...

So here I am again
In Barnes & Noble
Books are my friends
I love it here!
It's so cozy
With the practicality of a college campus
But the welcomeness of a library
The teacher in me relaxes
Because this place feels like home

I suppose that's why I opened up
To a friendly employee
A college student named DeAnna
Who has always been nice to me

I saw the pretty notebooks by the counter
So small and glittery
And flashed back to Operation Beautiful
And what it means to me

So I started to tell her
And before I knew it
Ii was out
DeAnna suddenly knew of the monster
That is trying to destroy me

I don't know why I told her
It just kind of escaped
Like a puppy who leaves the yard
Before you can close the gate

I told her of my bingeing
And the thoughts of throwing up
That won't go away

She was kind and sweet and lovely
Just as she'd always been
And I couldn't help but think
That maybe I had found a friend

Maybe God put her here
Tonight
At that moment
So that I could find that strange relief

That release of knowing that my secret
Is not a secret anymore
The comfort that comes from knowing
That the monster no longer lives behind closed doors

Even though I don't know her well
I don't feel awkward about telling DeAnna anymore
Somehow, I know my secret's safe with her
Don't ask me why or how I know
But in my spirit
It feels right

When I told her
I suddenly felt inwardly clean
Like God had given me a second baptism
But without the water
Such a wonderful, beautiful, strange relief!

God is real
He loves you
He works miracles
Even in the middle of a bookstore
Fallon Marie

by posting this, i'm not saying that being honest with all of you is not helpful. in fact, blogging has been a vital part of the recovery process for me. i just sort of blurted it out. i started talking about operation beautiful, then the work they do with neda, and it was out...just like that. thankfully, this young lady isn't a complete stranger. it always seems she is working when i'm there, and she's gotten to know me by the books i buy. i'm thinking of printing this poem out and giving it to her when i see her next. what do you think?-fallon

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

That was fun and uplifting. It\'s was a nice reminder of that feeling of just telling someone honestly and the relief that comes with it. As to your question, well, you know her better than I do so I can\'t predict what her reaction would be. Let us know what you decide to do!
BubblesDavey
BubblesDavey

Thank you for sharing your poem with us all. Yes, I believe that God does have people in our lives that \"help\" us along the path.