Yesterday's video... the biggest message for me was... Its not about food...
Still struggling to make food choice changes. I'm okay with that. I don't know when or even if it will come together for me but I hope if I give myself over to trying to research and keep in mind that I want to do this that something will click and I'll get to where I want to be... First and foremost... I want to do this... Its not that I have to... At my age fact... I'm not looking to be a perfect 10.... I'm already so perfect in my person... that I'm a 12 anyway... who wants to go down to a 10... well okay... joking but what the hey...
I find that after I eat the 'good' for me foods... I'm still dying for more food... so I'm trying and failing some and succeeding some... but I hope if I just don't let myself give up I'm getting closer to what I want and need...
I'm reading posts on OA too... working hard to bring my mind into this battle... I lost a lot of weight after the surgery... 150 lbs... and I'm keeping it off... but... I'm not losing and so I'm having to realize it isn't just about what I eat... or maybe not even mostly about what I eat...
Like the video I watched yesterday said over and over... its not about food... its about why we eat... bad habits... to comfort ourselves... to bury pain... and the fact is... for me its about all those things...
I had a psychiatrist once who was absolutely sure I ate so I could keep myself fat and unattractive to men... because of early childhood sexual abuse... this guy was so hung up on his theory he made me totally uncomfortable... always staring at me... stripping me in his mind... I came to feel like he was sicker than I was... a disgusting voyeur in a way... getting a thrill out of picturing me as a child pinned down by gigantic penises... geez... gross me out... I quit going to him and don't feel like I missed any big breakthrough moment... I don't want to rehash details of the crap in my childhood... Yes the memories hurt... nothing is going to change that they happened... sometimes things happen... sometimes awful things happen... and you just have to go on...
Still struggling to make food choice changes. I'm okay with that. I don't know when or even if it will come together for me but I hope if I give myself over to trying to research and keep in mind that I want to do this that something will click and I'll get to where I want to be... First and foremost... I want to do this... Its not that I have to... At my age fact... I'm not looking to be a perfect 10.... I'm already so perfect in my person... that I'm a 12 anyway... who wants to go down to a 10... well okay... joking but what the hey...
I find that after I eat the 'good' for me foods... I'm still dying for more food... so I'm trying and failing some and succeeding some... but I hope if I just don't let myself give up I'm getting closer to what I want and need...
I'm reading posts on OA too... working hard to bring my mind into this battle... I lost a lot of weight after the surgery... 150 lbs... and I'm keeping it off... but... I'm not losing and so I'm having to realize it isn't just about what I eat... or maybe not even mostly about what I eat...
Like the video I watched yesterday said over and over... its not about food... its about why we eat... bad habits... to comfort ourselves... to bury pain... and the fact is... for me its about all those things...
I had a psychiatrist once who was absolutely sure I ate so I could keep myself fat and unattractive to men... because of early childhood sexual abuse... this guy was so hung up on his theory he made me totally uncomfortable... always staring at me... stripping me in his mind... I came to feel like he was sicker than I was... a disgusting voyeur in a way... getting a thrill out of picturing me as a child pinned down by gigantic penises... geez... gross me out... I quit going to him and don't feel like I missed any big breakthrough moment... I don't want to rehash details of the crap in my childhood... Yes the memories hurt... nothing is going to change that they happened... sometimes things happen... sometimes awful things happen... and you just have to go on...
Replies
I\'m thinking that something like Nuti-system would be ideal for me to loose weight so I only had the good foods in the house and it\'s all planned out for me.....but I just could never justify the cost and the fact is I\'m not the only one in the house and the food would have to be here for the grandkids and husband. Right now I\'m where I want to be in my weight...but I wish I felt a little better.
I\'m thinking that something like Nurti-system would be ideal for me to loose weight so I only had the good foods in the house and it\'s all planned out for me.....but I just could never justify the cost and the fact is I\'m not the only one in the house and the food would have to be here for the grandkids and husband. Right now I\'m where I want to be in my weight...but I wish I felt a little better. Still have very low energy.
Elissa - good for you for not giving up. It is so hard not to eat the food we love. I am finding it easier to pass on the salt and vinegar potato chips and bread and potatoes. But I am like you - I am never going to be a perfect 10. I just want to feel healthy.
It is a theory that some women subconsciously gain weight after being abused as a child. I can see the logic in it. But I totally believe that it is in the genes. In order to stay a \'normal size\', I practically had to starve myself. I am an emotional eater and have to watch myself.
Do what works for you and what will give you peace. As for the diets advertised on TV and mags, I believe the only ones they help are themselves; mostt of them cost an awful lot of money and usually don\'t work.
Have a great week and don\'t give up!!!
Love and hugs,
Marlene
You are learning, you are trying and being aware of your eating and all of this is so very positive.
Give yourself lots of wiggle room and grace. I remember reading once that before we eat something if we wait at least five minutes or so to see if the need is still there we can usually discern if it\'s been an emotional need or physical one. I find if I drink a lot of water that can fill me up too, yet one needs a bathroom close by. :)
Here\'s to your continued awareness and success dear Elissa.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Feeling what you are saying with every word, not because I had such a struggle as you are but because I can\'t help but feel some of your pain. You are studying and questioning and for that I praise you, sweet friend. I am also sending you a big hug!
I agree with you, that is isn\'t all about the food. I eat for comfort, as well as enjoyment. I just love to eat and what else is there, at my age?? I am now alone again, so have nobody to do things with. Oh well....I just wanted to say I am proud of what you are trying to achieve. Good job !!
(((HUGS))), Julia
Elissa, you are learning and growing and not giving up. Be proud. As far as that psychiatrist\'s theory, well does it really matter how we got here? The point is those of us with weight problems are here and need to learn new coping mechanisms and become educated on how to have a healthy relationship with food. Love and peace and best of luck, Linda