Ouch
How do you handle it when you feel devalued as a person? Do you say something to the person who hurt you? Do you just suck it up and try to pretend it didn't happen... do you feel like somehow there is something wrong with you? I've handled it wrong my whole life... so perhaps that is just something in me... but I'd really like to know how others handle it...
Replies
Your title is exactly what I say, it\'s my silver bullet. Just one word... \"Ouch\" and nothing more... I have watched it move mountains of sorrow and pain when someone actually realizes and hopefully takes ownership that what they have just said hurt me.
I\'m so sorry, Elissa, that this has happened.Sucking it up time and time again especially if it\'s with someone who is a \"repeat offender\" just does not work for me any longer. I also try to look at what is \"theirs\" and what is \"mine\" and is anything of what they say, my truth. Perhaps it is only theirs...
Just one word, \"ouch\" and no explanation following it...Simply allowing the other to know how their words affected you.
Loving care to you my friend and again... Bummer that you are hurting as this time is hard enough to navigate without all of this added to it.
XO Joanie
I wish I that word the other day... I do agree with Joanie,,, tis the one and only word that conveys a message without saying anything..... love ya!
It takes me sometimes a full 24 hours to \"get\" what a person said or did that causes me to feel devalued and gives me emotional pain. This is an artifact of my childhood, it is hard wired into my mind, I\'ve tried to change it in therapy for a lifetime and cannot. IF you are able to recognize, identify, the exact moment as it has just happened, then you have a huge opportunity. A simple statement: \"I feel devalued\" opens the conversation without putting any blame, but expect the person to be on the defensive and, remember: unless a person is a sociopath (in which case s/he really isn\'t responsible), very, very few people say or do anything deliberately. It is how we (you, I, etc.) RECEIVE it. No one can get into \"our\" heads, no one knows \"our\" full personal history. Most people would probably express surprise and try to dissuade you from taking their remarks in any way that harms you.
I too agree with Joanie. Ouch sounds good to me!
I am afraid I tend to ignore things or blame myself. I have been known to apologize when I was not in the wrong, just to keep the peace. I am working on my self esteem and am taking less of the responsibility for others\' bad behaviour. I am trying to surround myself with positive people. Unfortunately, that means that I have very little contact with my sister and her family. As my good friend asked \"why are you feeling guilty for not staying in contact? Why do you try to have a relationship with them when the make snide remarks?\" She reminded me that they should be reaching out to me. She is right.
It hurts me to read that you feel that you \'have handled things wrong for your whole life\'. I don\'t believe it. You are a kind, loving person who is doing the best you can. You are hurting and feeling lost and trying to make sense of your devastating loss. You are not the problem. Others should be reaching out and offering you love and support.
Elissa, please know that I understand and care. I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug!
Love and caring hugs, Marlene
I feel very much the same way you do. Joanie said it better than I ever could. \"Ouch\"!! Nuff said :)
Sorry you feel hurt. Big hug coming your way...
(((((((HUG)))))))...Julia
Elissa,
I am so sorry you have felt sadness because of this. I too often feel socially awkward.
I love and cherish my dog books and Whole Dog Journal. I rarely (now never) loan them out. I loaned the Journal and an out of print book to a friend and she lost it. (Imagine how it could get stolen on top of a trainer\'s desk in the middle of Petsmart.) I made a hurtful comment and my friend said \"Ouch\". That really made me feel bad and I apologized. It really did hit me that I had hurt her! The articles were not as important to me as the friendship.
Now the other side of the coin is that from my early childhood I could not fight or use flight with my mom. Sometimes I was told, \"Get that expression off your face.\" I honestly did not know what my face looked like or conveyed. I was helpless so I learned early to \"freeze.\" I personally would not be able to say \"ouch\" myself because I shut down, can\'t even think...(and it is worse with age.) LOL
Hugs, Leda
I felt \"less than\" my entire childhood and much of my adult life. It was a LONG HARD inner battle to finally reach a point of KNOWING my value.
At this point in my human experience, I still sometimes find myself being hurt by words or deeds of others, but it never reaches the point of ME ALLOWING myself to feel undeserving or devalued. Now I SEE the truth, the other person is merely speaking and acting in THEIR perception of truth of the moment....not mine.
YOU are a wonderful person!
YOU are beautiful!
YOU are very valuable and offer SO much to this world!
YOU are a bright shining star of LOVE and humor and hope and friendship!
YOU give of yourself freely and openly and honestly!
YOU help others!
YOU matter!
YOU are important to me!
YOU are loved!!!!
I have done them all...I DO think that when I have chosen to tell this person, calmly and openly how they made me feel...I feel better. Never sure they truly \"get it\"...but I know I have been true to myself. Love to you friend.
I just don\'t say anything anymore, just walk away with my pain inside. When I\'m alone, I cry. Maybe I\'m just too weak or cowardly.
I agree with the word ouch and yet I myself find it hard to utter at times. I love you beautiful and cara too! Sending you hugs and love today with a gentle reminder that you have often been my saving grace with your hugs and loving words, so please don\'t own those words that make you feel devalued!
Elissa, I \"devalue\" them and chalk them off my list of friends (and family, if necessary). I don\'t even allow them the \"ouch\". When I am wrong, I apologize and try to correct that. I expect the same from others and if they come to me and make amends, then we will be okay. But for those who hurt me on purpose, I will not give them the time of day to let them know that they did!
Peace,
There are very few people who can make me feel that way...they are all family or really close friends...no one else matters enough to be able to get to me that way...
That said, my one sister particularly has that ability to make me feel \" less then\" , and I\'d like to believe she does it unintentionally hugs dear friend, you don\'t deserve anyone making you feel devalued
Love and hugs, marylou
This happened to me the other dayI acted as if nothing was wrongit seems to take me a long while to \"react\" to slights or cuts, etc. I usually analyze the thing to deaththen figure it\'s not worth the \"fight\" and try to figure out how that happened... and what I could do differently next time. That worked for me today as I was with the same peoplewith a different \"outcome\"--a good one! and I figure I turned a negative into a plus with the whole \"learning\" situation! And the bottom line is, it\'s not what other people feel about us that matters--only the Lord\'s opinion of us matters--because only He knows our true intentions, worth and value! Hard to remember this though, when feeling slighted! :-) Love, Donna