Thank You
Dear Moms
First I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers yesterday for me and for Cara. It was a kind of hard day but ended up better. I made Cara a cake yesterday. I don't understand why it mattered to me but it did. I debated about whether I should make the cake... I mean she can't eat it... but finally decided I wanted to and actually felt like just making Cara a cake allowed me to recapture some of that celebatory feeling from years past...
I miss her something awful... I still ask myself all the million and one questions we all ask from time to time... I cry... I scream... and finally.. I have found that there are still blessings in life. Keeping the good memories of Cara down through the years is a blessing.
At the end of the day I had an answer for a question that has plagued me.
I have hesitated celebrating Cara’s birthday because I did not know in my mind how old she is… How old will she be in the coming years… 30? 31? … 34?… If she had lived Cara would have been 34 yesterday… but she is not 34... She is 30... I finally accept that she will always be 30. I am actually glad to have made a decision.
I have also decided how I will answer the question of how many children I have… I have 2 children… A daughter and a son. I no longer feel its important for anyone to know any thing more than that…
If I get to know someone well enough to want to share that is time soon enough for them to know anything more... They don't know... they don't care... and that is fine...
Do you all find yourselves needing to sort out things like this in your mind?
I read a story yesterday about a young man who died as a result of injuries he received in a club brawl. My heart ached for his mother. I was bothered by one thing though… she mentioned several times in her story that her son’s attackers were Asian. I wanted to tell her that promoting hate was not a good way to honor her son… I didn’t say anything. I don’t want to argue with the lady… but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all and asked what you thought.
I have been reading the posts but not responding too much. Unfortunately most days when I read through a few posts I am somewhat nauseated. I am having a hard time getting used to being basically one eyed. I went to the doctor last Friday and he added some more drops. I don’t like the drops as they actually seem to be making me feel a bit queasy and off center… I am trying to swing along with the program. What I want most of all for you all to know is that I do read your posts and I’m moved by what you share… I keep you in my prayers. Hugs Elissa Cara’s Mom For Always
First I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers yesterday for me and for Cara. It was a kind of hard day but ended up better. I made Cara a cake yesterday. I don't understand why it mattered to me but it did. I debated about whether I should make the cake... I mean she can't eat it... but finally decided I wanted to and actually felt like just making Cara a cake allowed me to recapture some of that celebatory feeling from years past...
I miss her something awful... I still ask myself all the million and one questions we all ask from time to time... I cry... I scream... and finally.. I have found that there are still blessings in life. Keeping the good memories of Cara down through the years is a blessing.
At the end of the day I had an answer for a question that has plagued me.
I have hesitated celebrating Cara’s birthday because I did not know in my mind how old she is… How old will she be in the coming years… 30? 31? … 34?… If she had lived Cara would have been 34 yesterday… but she is not 34... She is 30... I finally accept that she will always be 30. I am actually glad to have made a decision.
I have also decided how I will answer the question of how many children I have… I have 2 children… A daughter and a son. I no longer feel its important for anyone to know any thing more than that…
If I get to know someone well enough to want to share that is time soon enough for them to know anything more... They don't know... they don't care... and that is fine...
Do you all find yourselves needing to sort out things like this in your mind?
I read a story yesterday about a young man who died as a result of injuries he received in a club brawl. My heart ached for his mother. I was bothered by one thing though… she mentioned several times in her story that her son’s attackers were Asian. I wanted to tell her that promoting hate was not a good way to honor her son… I didn’t say anything. I don’t want to argue with the lady… but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all and asked what you thought.
I have been reading the posts but not responding too much. Unfortunately most days when I read through a few posts I am somewhat nauseated. I am having a hard time getting used to being basically one eyed. I went to the doctor last Friday and he added some more drops. I don’t like the drops as they actually seem to be making me feel a bit queasy and off center… I am trying to swing along with the program. What I want most of all for you all to know is that I do read your posts and I’m moved by what you share… I keep you in my prayers. Hugs Elissa Cara’s Mom For Always
Replies
And thank you for being a part of this incredible healing circle that is FMO. Sounds as if Cara\'s day was what you intended it to be. A celebration of her life and what she continues to mean to you. As far as what others say and do... hum... I\'ve learned to try to keep my side of the side walk clean and that seems to be a big enough job for me. :) Sending healing, love and positive affirmations too seems to help when I feel powerless over the thoughts and actions of others. I know how hurtful it can be to read these kinds of things. Hoping you feel companioned and cared for because you are. Love, Joanie
First of all....Cara\'s Day went well. The girls (5 of them now) were all excited about making chilli and birthday cake. All 5 have stayed in their respective programs and have remained off drugs and alcohol. Three of them are now in their second year of college and the other two are in their first year. Thank you Cara for being their guide and thank you Ellisa for giving us Cara.
Now......what the heck is wrong with your eye? Focus....focus....and more so.....answer. Love ya, Kathy
I like the way you celebrated Cara\'s birth...I think it sounds very healing. And then...deciding how you will answer \"the question\" ...seems to have brought you some peace. I understand and I agree..I tell folks I have three children. I hope things can improve with your eye...love and hugs...Karen
Elissa,
So glad you have come to conclusions in how to answer the dreaded how many kids do you have. One time in the begining I answered one instead of two cause I did not want to have a discussion in case there were more questions. I felt so guilty that I now always answer two and if there are questions then so be it.
I was trying to understand your explanation about not knowing how old Cara is etc???? Not getting what that has to do with celebrating etc. Once again I am lost in space? hugs, Inga
I\'m sorry, I am a day late in recognizing Cara\'s birthday. Everything you said in this journal has opened my eyes to the age of my child to the question of how many children I have and what to say and what not to say. I\'m glad you are my friend.