I haven't written a meaningful journal entry in some time. I'm going through yet another adjustment in this road... trying not to think too much... but it really doesn't work to numb one's self up either because then its almost as if we're already dead... so many ways to try to escape.... but I'm healthy enough to realize I don't want this emptiness so I'm still trying... still kicking... hoping perhaps to churn up a block of butter..... I hope yall have been well... I will be around a bit and I hope I haven't offended so many by my absence that I find no one to talk to... ah well I must do the best I can and move on..... I truly do hope you're having a day blessed with peaceful memories.
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My Gram used to tell me when your heart is broken the light goes out...it\'s up to you to cheat the devil of his prize. I nevwer understood that...I still don\'t think I do. I wonder if it is possible to be able to focus on the good and happy and light that was Cara and the joy she brought you and separate the ungly, sordid horrible evil that took her.
You know Elissa I can almost see her with her arm around you worrying with a tear running down her face. Yet, I have seen her smiling and happy and young. She needs you to be her voice in the world.
You have been truly and deeply missed. Love ya, Kathy
((((Elissa)))))...you have been missed but I do so understand that at times our grief is a very solitary thing. Seems that each time I have gotten a bit \"comfortable\"...another adjustment period shows up. Perhaps it will always be like that? Thinking of you and Cara, wishing you gentle days...Love you.
Adjustments are part of our new life now aren\'t they.? All we can do is fight the emptiness and make a concious choice to find happiness. Somedays it is a struggle and when we overthink, we become overwhelmed. You are strong and realize what needs to happen to find that joy. I\'m glad your journaled a little about yourself. I\'m so used to seeing your cute jokes and I do love those because they always make me smile, but it\'s good to hear about YOU friend. Keep \"churning and keep kicking\". Many of us keep \"churning\" because of you. Love Robin
we all are in constant adjustment of our new life it is very hard