Choosing to feel better... I recognized years ago that we do have to make the choice and work toward it... but I will say that with depression I do believe it is harder... its like you're attached to a loaded sled that is loaded with erroneous messages from the past and such sadness... it keeps pulling you back down... You can't just choose to be better... you have to work at it every day... everyone has times when they feel a bit sad... or really really sad... for me depression is more the norm than not... and its only because I keep fighting that I've dog paddled this long... so if I speak of times when I feel sad... discouraged... I'm only temporarily weak... and I'm not a failure... its not that I'm not trying... I am... I'm saying that not just for me but for others who sometimes in spite of trying fall... I don't think a lot of people get that... that we don't just occassionally fall into this sadness... we just occassionally fall into a lesser sadness... and there is very little time for me that I don't fight sadness... this is my life and I'm not whining... Its something I deal with... and that's fine... every one has things they have to deal with... this is one of mine... and God knows I'm not alone...I don't feel bad because I've had to struggle... It will sound crazybut I think my intensity has been more of a blessing than a curse...People say life is for living.... I say living is for loving... deeplyand completely... The struggles I have had... the pain and sorrow in my life... havemeant I have a greater capacity for understanding others... I laughharder... yes I cry harder... and yes I have to struggle... but I'vedone it... I've been doing it for years... and I'm proud of me fordoing it...
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