I am lucky... Above all the pain... I have been blessed... I was lucky enough years ago to realize that no one would ever love my children as I did...  that's how it is... that's why we're supposed to hang in there... and I am glad that irregardless of any mistakes I made... and I made lots of them... Cara knew... and she knows that I love her...  It was and is my responsibilty... but oh what a gift it is... I am so grateful.  Sometimes I look at pictures of Cara and I cannot believe that she is gone... I feel like I can't stand the pain... but I know I have to and that there will be good moments yet in this life... and some of them will be when Cara visits...  for although she is gone in so far as her fleshly form her essence... is with me every day every where...   I am glad I'm coming to a place in my life where I can recognize that I have to start counting my blessings....  For truly I am blessed...