I had a bit of a shock... The phone rang... and a voice that sounded like Cara's said mom....  Instantly my mind racing... I'm thinking oh God she's alive... I was waiting for Cara to tell me how somehow she'd been allowed ot come back... Of course it wasn't Cara...  the lady didn't even say mom... it was a business call...   I can't believe how quickly I was ready to believe that somehow Cara could come back...  I have cried off and on the rest of the day...   For a moment it was so wonderful...   Sometimes I don't know how we stand it....  my instant ability to believe Cara was on the phone... makes me know how much I don't want for her to be gone... like I didn't already know... of course I know... but somehow I thought I was handling it...  The pain is so very near the surface....  I feel like I'm crazy... I think if just hearing what I thought was Cara's voice could make me so happy... oh God how I wish I could hire someone to call and pretend she was Cara...  Like I said... I've gone crazy... I haven't you know... Sometimes I wish I could if crazy would mean I couldn't think... didn't know anything... didn't remember and have to hurt over and over like this...   Like I said... it turned out to be a very bad day....