Tuesday, February 26, 2008

You Deserve To Live, To Love, To Laugh         A BEAR WALKS INTO A BAR<>   A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says,   'We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings ' The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.   The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,   'We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings...'    The bear, very angry now, says,    'If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.'    The bartender says,    'Sorry, we don't serve beer tobelligerent, bully bears in bars inBillings'The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.    The bartender states,    'Sorry, but we especially don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.'   The bear looks at him quizzically and says,   'I'm not on drugs.'      (You're gonna hate me for this...)           The bartender says,    'You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.          You don't really hate me do you.... Hee Hee   How are you?  No I mean how are you really... I was just thinking about a poem Jon's mom posted...  It talked about how when people ask her how she is she'll say she's fine...  She puts on the expected face.... makes small talk... but she's lying... because she's not fine at all...  Inside she hurts so damn bad...   Well that's how it often is... We are learning to live with the pain...    I think I even am able to accept that the pain is no punishment... it is something I can accept.... because no matter what I'm so glad I had my baby girl for as long as I did...  One more thing about that post by Jon's mom.... I laughed at the line where he said when she got to heaven he'd be there with a hug and he'd tell her he was surprised she got in with all the lies she told...  I guess we're all looking forward to those smiles full of mischief... arms full of welcome... the voices we miss...  We do need to live this life for now...   Cara I love you and I miss your earthly presence as I knew it...  I am never sorry I had you... You and your brother are the very best parts of me...  Mama <>I know I drifted away into the sad... I allow myself to cry at least once a day with no recriminations... and then I dry my tears and I pick myself up and I get on with things...  I just mentioned this because I have heard a lot of people talk about feelings of guilt because they can't seem to get over this...  I don't think we will ever get over it... but I do think we might find we're stronger than we know and we can live with it... and we can live fully, laugh heartily, love completely.  Hugs Elissa