Are you finding like I am that there are some roads better not traveled... I find such deep sadness comes if I spend too much time looking down those roads... the if onlys... what if... why didn't I... why did I... what could I... There probably isn't an answer and maybe there wasn't supposed to be... I think the answer I need to accept is what Cara told me... she said just as plain as day... "I made some bad choices..." I am learning to leave those empty roads alone... but it takes time... and sometimes I have started before I catch myself... Cara has been very kind... she's helped me all she can... and I just have to keep working on how I think... praying helps... talking to yall helps... Cara was so much more than she ever understood... <><>I remember oh so well my fears for Cara way back in Jr High when she attempted suicide in the 7th grade... I tried to help her... some people still tried to tear her down... and I've hated them all these years... but I'm coming to understand that a lot of people are mean because they hate themselves so bad... and they're just lashing out... so I'm letting that hate go... Cara is doing good now... She's not sad... Its wonderful there... I wrote this for her... I'm glad she doesn't have to hurt anymore... We're Not So Different I felt so different and alone... I thought no one understood I never felt like I was quite good enough Everyone else did... but I never loved me... Now I can see all the things I couldn't see before I'm not so different from all of you... You're lonely too, like me you think you're just never gonna be good enough... You're sad and you're hurting, and you feel like no one will ever understand If you're cruel its because you hate yourself You're just trying to fit in You think no one loves you You're wrong because I do No matter how you hurt me in the past I know you didn't mean it You just wanted to fit in You see... we're not so different after all... Cara I'm not a real poet... its more just thoughts... I just wanted you to know I do understand... and maybe some kid who's feeling like you did might read it and feel a little better because they're not alone... We're never alone honey... There's more people like us than not... I miss you... Mama
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That\'s my Elissa! This can help a lot of people who are looking for their value. It might be good to post it over on the depression board but don\'t you stay there and read the crap it will only drag you down. Besides they have some real ignorant agressives that I think are playing games. So please post your poem I think it will help but don\'t subject yourself to the bull shit there. Love Ya, Kathy
I do find that it\'s better that I not go down those roads, but I did have to go there for a time, just to sort thru things and to understand that it is futile. Your thoughts to Cara are so touching, filled with love and understanding. ((((love you))))
Awesome Elissa, it sounds like your really coming along. I\'m sure Cara understands it all now. And someday we will too. But only when it is our time. All my love, Lisa
MY THERAPIST SAY NEVER SHOULD OF YOURSELF BUT THAT IS NOT AN EASY TASK BUT WE MUST KEEP TRYING HUGS!!!!!!!!LOVE JODY YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AND YOU HAVE MY HEART AND ITS FULL OF LOVE FOR YOU JODY
QUITE BEAUTIFUL I\'D SAY, IT\'S WONDERFUL WHEN ONE CAN WRITE THEIR HEART. KEEP IT UP ELISSA. LOVE YA! *K