First of all I am fine... Sometimes I have some sad moments... who among us doesn't... but I'm doing fine...  <>I guess I know Cara is in a better place...  I know people are just trying to help when they remind me of that... I've thought about little else but Cara since she passed... I don't guess I'd ask God to send her back the way things are... but I miss her... I miss having hope... sometimes we just have to mourn... because Cara died kind of accident... kind of like where she was probably inevitably going to go because her life had spun out of control... other parents who lost children who were in similar situations take comfort in the belief that their children don't have to struggle anymore etc... and I guess I should... but the truth is... I guess I will always want another chance... I thought we were so close...  I know Cara's in a place that is wonderful... she told me so... but I still wish she could have been healed here... I can't stop wishing...  Like I said... I'm fine but sometime every day I cry... and then I pick up and move on...I was reading journals and one lady... Rissa had written a list of things she learned in 2007 well crying being a part of my norm is one thing I've learned... Its not awful... it just is... and when I can get through it and write a bit about what I'm feeling... I can go on for a bit... I was going to make a list but I think I better get on to bed... busy day tomorrow... Hope everyone made it through this day with more smiles than tears... if not I hope you found some of the comfort and friendship I'm always finding here.  Hugs Yall Elissa