Ok... some more stuff from friends who write messages for lovingarms@yahoogroups.com for moms who have lost a child... They've been working hard lately sharing things that I have found comforting...This is from Patsy... I read somewhere that after the death of a child your life as you knew it would never be the same and that in order to move on it is tantamount that in time you redefine who you are and you're new normal takes form. My new normal is promoting organ donation through creative endeavors. My son gave back to his community by cycling and I by painting and becoming the best Ambassador of Life that I can. After her son's death she said, "I didn't want to go on living as there was nobody to live for--no other children-" Since there are several of my friends who have lost their only child my heart hurts especially for them... but I want to say for all of us... it doesn't matter in one way... because I only had one Cara... Katie only had one Adam... Kathy one Jake, Bailey one Shannon... Sandy one Chris, Lora one Wayman... Leosmommy one Leo... Barbara one Evan... Charlayne one Reese... Kathy one Timmy... Anne one Nina... Edith one Dennis... Maria one Danny... Mary one Dave... The list is unending... as I wrote your names I pictured you and your babies... Its hard... I hope you know, as I am realizing how much we have honored our babies by sharing their stories.. I have come to love your children so much and I'm so honored to know them... Patsy wrote further... "My Balm of God's Love" for you. Life gets better you just have to wait it out--time heals all--and the mental images eventually fade out of darkness into lightness. This I know through experience but you have to experience it yourself. No one could have convinced me back where most of you are that I would want to live on earth without my Christopher. One thing though I never miss a day without closing my door to the world and crying. I bought an Icon painting, by a close friend who is a Nun, of the Mother of the Sign and and I sit for 15 minutes and sob for all the mothers of the faithful departed that we find some joy during our bleakest moments--holidays. Merry Christmas and Peace To All of You Beautiful Mothers--always remember God is wathcing us and our children are all around him smiling down hoping and praying that we will get the message of love, hope and charity. Patricia A. Lopez Mother of Christopher Walden Burkes (I'm sorry but I don't like to see his birthdate and angel dates in print) He's in my heart and I'm still alive; when I go then our dates can go in print.) Rea de Miranda The Balm Of God's Love by M.S.Lowndes When we lose someone we loveThe loss seems too great to bearGod sends us friends to comfort usTo show that He deeply caresBut in the dark hours of the nightWhen there’s nobody else aroundWhen we feel the saddest and loneliestIt’s there God’s love can be foundIt’s like a soothing, healing balmTo soothe our broken heartsThe healing oil poured over usThat flows into every partWe can rest secure in God’s loveAnd know He’s by our sideHe holds us when we feel as thoughA part of us has diedWe can know that God will listenWhen we just want to talkAnd when we feel we need to cryWe can share it with the LordFor He is always waiting thereReady with arms open wideAs we pour out the hurt withinHe pours His love insideOur Father above loves us so muchAnd will never leave us aloneHe will not forsake us in our needTo face this on our ownHe comforts us and strengthens usAnd rubs us with His balmAnd as the dawn breaks through the nightWe’ll awake in His loving arms.
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I love reading them on LA & get to enjoy them again here w/our friends on DS..That are to nice not to share.U are a true friend Elissa,I I know u were a great Mom & still are..Love & Hugs,E
Hi Elissa.....
When Timmy died I did not want to go on. He was only three...just at the age where he was talking well and following me all over the place. I was his best girl. He looked up and the world smiled. I sat for months in my rocker....trying to will myself to just stop living. It did not work.
As you know I had seven other children. What you don\'t know is that each child is seperate with his or her own personality, charm, charisma....mechanism to trigger the devotion of a mommy. People would say you have seven other kids...yes but none of them were Timmy.
Today, more than 24 years later there is still a profound sense of loss. It is not the crushing lonliness that only that one child can fill...it is more like knowing there is something missing and you will never be able to fill in the empty spot. I see it at the table or in pictures or when the kids are talking and laughing about something that happened in childhood. I feel it late at night when Timmy would normally come in to tell me he went to the bathroom by himself (usually at 4 in the morning). I feel it when I lace up my sneakers and remember how protective he was of his laces (his brothers don\'t you know.) I miss him every time I see a little platinum blond hair child about his age. I still wonder how he would have turned out or what he would look like or if he will remember me when I die. I still think of him with his peanut butter and chocolate syrup or a towel tied around his neck jumping from the radiator cover to the couch pretending to be super man, the costume completed by his superman underroos.
So my wonderful friend it is not worse losing an only child....it is heart-rending losing a child no matter how many more there are.
As you know I have been blessed with very loving children who live near and surround me with grandchildren..... but there is always the missing child and the children that would be his.
Love Ya, Kathy
Elissa, I read this when Patsy posted it on LA. Maybe the newness but I can\'t see myself past next week. Thank you my friend for posting her words here, they need to be heard. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom, kathy