Yes I do know... I've been crying so much lately my husband is worried... I think its just more of what I have to do... When I went to Walmart the other day I had to keep telling myself... don't think... don't talk... don't cry... That was the only way I could get through it... Sometimes its so hard... and I don't know how long its going to last... but I need to keep trying... that's what we need to do... but I'll never say its temporary or that its not hard... I'm afraid to a degree the sorrow is permanent... but I think we can learn better how to live with it... so I'm working on it.... At the same time I'm thinking... Cara has talked to me and visited me... so like she told me today... Mama... there can be no question that I exist... I'm talking to you now... and mama I do want you to keep working on remembering the good... don't dwell on the bad things... that doesn't help you or me... Cara did tell me that about not dwelling on the bad a few months after she died... and I'm not going to change died to passed... because her life as we knew it is finished... I'm going to keep trying to move forward... and sometimes I'll have to move forwad through a curtain of tears...
Replies
((((Elissa)))) I am so sorry...it is just so damn hard at times to do much of anything without the tears flowing. It took me a good two or so years before I could get through a store without sobbing. Now I am able to go into a zone, be oblivious, be on a mission and not let the atmosphere that I am in interfere with my purpose in being there. We do learn better how to live with it and it \"softens\" with time I think. It lasts as long as it lasts and if we cry in the store...so what? I\'ve done it so many times, just stood right in front of the eggnog in the dairy section and cried a puddle on the floor...Adam loved eggnog...(((love you)))
I SWEAR I HAVE BEEN CRYING A LOT TOO... IT\'S MENTAL PAUSE I TELL YOU!! MENTAL PAUSE I TELL YOU ALL!!!!WE DO SO NEED A PARTY. LOVE YOU ELISSA PLEASE FEEL BETTER SOON.
OH YEA AND IT\'S A GREAT BLESSING FOR HER TO BE YOUR SWEET REMINDER FROM HEAVEN.
BEEN CRYING ALOT ALSO...TRYING NOT TO...I TRY YO BLOCK IT...BUT THEY BUST THROUGH...NO MATTER WHERE IM AT..SO IF IT HAPPENES IT HAPPENS..I CANT STOP IT..LOVE YA MY FRIEND
Awww Elissa I wish there was some way I could lift this weight off your shoulders, but I can\'t... only you have the power to do so. And I believe you can... stop blaming yourself.
Elissa,
You have a very wise daughter. She is letting you know she is ok and she is trying to help you move forward. I think she also knows it will be done with trial and error and \" baby steps\" as my wise son told me.
Time does take us to another place that is a bit kinder to us.We will never be the same though .Time will always be before and after the death of our children.That is how I have my life divided. I now only have the after and that is how it is.
Tell me what are some of the things you are doing to move along in this journey? Hugs, Inga