Again no icon for sad... I feel bad because I'm sad.... but its an expected and accepted sadness... Tomorrow will be November 4th... the day Cara was buried if you go by the number... but she was buried on Saturday... and I remember it very strongly today... Its just the way it is... I will never hear the song Wind Beneath My Wings and not think of Cara... She told me that she felt like I was the wind beneath her wings once... because she wanted to make me feel good... The truth is my kids were and are the most important things in my life... They have always been my reason for being... And Cara... was much more than my child... she was my friend, my comforter, someone who cared enough about me to want me to be happy and to do well... that is love... and she still loves me and still wants all good things for me... and I can definitely understand that because I love her too... for always.... Im not glad Cara is dead... but I am grateful she isn't hurting anymore... No one will ever make her feel like she isn't good enough, pretty enough, rich enough, just somehow doesn't measure up... not even her... She is far better than she ever knew and I miss her and Cara I'm proud of you... I got this from another site I go to and there was a lot of things that I can feel so deeply. I changed it some to suit myself... I wanted to share it with you today... My child died on her own battlefield. Her adversaries were as real to her as her casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took a toll on her energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of her courage and strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed her. It may appear that she lost the war. But did she? I see a host of victories that she has won! For one thing -- she has won our admiration -- because even if she lost the war, she deserves credit for her bravery on the battlefield of life. We should applaud her courage and pride and hope that she used as her weapons as long as she could. We can choose to remember not her losses, but her daily victories as shown through her ability to love and care for others, her kindnesses her thoughttfulness, the way she cared for others and through her love for her family and friends. Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in her soul. Our consolation is that God does know and understands!" I hope these words bring you all a measure of comfort. God was there with our kids and only He knows what they suffered and He loved them enough to take them home!!
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((((Elissa)))) Remembering the funeral is so painful. I am so very sorry for your deep sadness and that you have these memories at all...it\'s so wrong that our children had funerals. I remember a few people telling me that the eulogy I wrote was wonderful but to me it was just all wrong...mothers should never have to write eulogies for their children, or obituaries, or pick out headstones...just not right. ((((more hugs))))
Elissa, thank-you for everything you said, I know you share my pain. Our girls died days apart. I think Shannon was around fifteen and we were watching Beaches with Bette Midler. She told me that Wings beneath My Wings was how she felt about me, so when I read that about you and Cara, I just had to tell you that. I used to tell her to play that song at my funeral. She said she could never do that, it would be too hard. Today was not too bad. My son and his girlfriend and my other grandson Cody and I all went to the cemetary. We put down blankets and talked about funny things that happened when they were growing up. We cried and we laughed. I am very grateful for my son. He gave me flowers and some for Shannon. He put the stone in that he designed. He did it while I was on vacation. Her picture is in color, it is the same picture I posted last night of the one I have on my car. We went for icecream and then I came home. Things are not good between my husband and I, not sure if we are going to make it. I know this has been hard on him, but he wants his wife back and you know, part of me died when Shannon did. I am very grateful to have you for my friend Elissa, love,Dianne
I feel the same way about my kids even now at 35, 37 and 39. They will always be the most important things in my life apart from my wonderful husband, I really feel for you at this time and my thoughts and prayers are with you always. Huge hugs
Roz.
Elissa,
I still remember seeing my son in the casket and how acutely my heart hurt.i went into the funeral home with my youngest son and when I started going into the room where Richard was laid out I immediately had to turn around and go back to the lobby because it was to hard , once I regained some strength I went to the casket and kept touching his face and stroking his hair.It was awful seeing my lively son dead.I went outside for short periods of time and then I had to go back in and touch him.
It was a horrible day but I think possibly picking up my sons ashes may have been worse.
I also feel comfort in knowing my son is no longer dealing with his drug problem but I so wish I would have been able to help him.
Here we are with broken hearts...Hugs, Inga