I really appreciate those of yall who are listening to me ramble here of late... I'm sharing some more thoughts about depression... bipolar... mental health... mental illness... et al.... Actually I'm practicing mental health... or at least according to my definition.... mental health is when you recognize a problem and work on it... mental illness is when it has you by the yeah those and you aren't doing, maybe not capable of doing, anything to help yourself... I call myself a nut in a kiss my.... sort of way.... society has been labeling me as long as I can remember... and perhaps its part of my paranoia... but I've definitely felt a lack of respect for my thinking from many of those good folks who profess to be caring for me... I don't know of anything more calculated to destroy a person than to treat them with disrespect and disdain... so... when I express opinions like those... its almost always when I'm having a Rhett moment... LOL Geez she's got so much anger and hostility... wonder what that's about... A lifetime of being told I don't know what I feel... yeah... that might have something to do with it....
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Oh, the anger and hostility...and let us not forget the bitterness (that\'s what \"they\" call it, the feeling a mother has when her child is killed)...or so I\'m told...yep, I\'m not supposed to feel those things according to so many onlookers to my life (and my son\'s death). I say it\'s righteous anger and \"they\" whisper that I\'m bitter...I do declare that I know what I feel and of what I speak...so I reckon when I get in touch with my feelings...the depression, the anger, the whatever...that I too am practicing mental health. Anywho, I hear ya and I love ya.
There is such a subtle difference....almost fleeting. When in the midst of depression there are deep dark feelings. These thoughts are usually magnified ideas of perceptional shortcomings. For instance....(simplifiecation to the max)... you burned the dinner...you got depressed....in your depression you magnify the situation and condemn yourself for being a horrible cook, deprving your family of a meal, being a horrible wife and mother and destroying your beautiful kitchen. In actuality all you did was burn the dinner. How do you handle this? Do you get depressed and think bad things of yourself or do you send out to McDonald\'s? It is the strategy of rolling with the punches or turning adversity inside yourself and making the crap that hits all about what you perceive to be your shortcomings.
It starts with how you feel about you! Personally, I think I am great! I do 500 things a day and only manage to screw up 2oo. Of the 200 I screw up 150 will never be noticed. Of the 50 that will be noticed 40 of them wind up being profitable for someone in our home. Of the remaining 10 well, if they cannot accept 10 screwups from someone who cares for them as much as I do and who does as much for them then SCREW THEM!
See it is all in perception and knowing yourself.
As far as the way others see me...well, I\'ll tell you....I think with the education I had and the control I had I became somewhat full of myself. After the stroke it became hard for me to communicate, and I withdrew somewhat. I say things out loud that before I would have written down and used as part of a study. I am never quite sure if I say too much or not enough. I am never sure if I say things in the right way. None the less.... I say them.
Feelings, intuition, knowledge, ideas they are all vital and every input is a good input whether it is useful to one person or many people. In depression the thoughts are extreme and often inflict blame where blame should not be placed but the thoughts are valuable because they are your thoughts and they are in your head and you feel them at that moment. It is valuable because at that moment those feeling can be examined, pulled apart and dissected for the overblown self damaging bull shit that they are.
As far as I can see your thinking has encompassed help to others in need with a strong dose of how you feel you have been slighted with an eye to warning others how to cope with this perception. HMMMM. Don\'t see any problem there. Seems you are seeing you feelings quite well.
Love Ya, Kathy
Ramble on girlfriend , you have earned the right...Actually i love reading the things you express. Forget about the labels ,you keep on being yourself. If you think about it , it is less confusing to be yourself then being what everybody else wants you to be, there are way to many of them and it would be a full time job to try and conform.
I always try and remember when I get done talking to a person the most important thing i can do is leave their dignity intact.
I am thinking of you as you are nearing the one year mark. Hugs filled with love, Inga.
I AM MENTAL ILLNESS. Would life be boring if my mind was healthy and normal? I can\'t even imagine. Im sorry I make no sense, but I dont even know what the questions are anymore. (If that makes any sense!) I hope you are having a nice weekend. Have you ssent he grandkids at all lately? When you do, do you feel closer to Cara? I may not write a lot, but you are always in my mind and heart!!! Love Nichole
I like your definition
Once you get a label so many think they know you inside and out but of course that isn\'t true-you are a unique creation and need to be treated as an individual and with respect and love-how many of us saw our own kids treated with disrespect and disdain-or felt that ourselves-you will be a light to shine on others to help the world understand that people who have problems are people first-get to know the person and then worry about the problem-I pray you can use your experiences to help make someone else\'s life better, Love, Sandy
Don\'t worry what anyone says. Just be yourself. I personally guarantee that I love you - YOUR GORGEOUS!!!